de·vo·tion
dəˈvōSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: devotion
love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause.
Yes. This is how I feel, right here. DEVOTION.
What more can I say?
Last night I was at the coffee shop writing about my twin soul, James. Very specifically writing about how he is the only one for me. I only want him. I remember him. I LOVE and totally adore him and I respect, cherish and appreciate the love he has for me.
James is a very faithful type of man. He does not like to date around. Like he is not one to have a date set on Monday with one woman and another on Wednesday with a different woman. He thinks that's a travesty. He is old-fashioned like that, and I totally love that about him. He's seriously my Sweet Perfection.
That said, as I was writing last night, Jason text me AGAIN. And I have not heard from him in weeks, since the last oddity when he reached out to me. He said hello. He ended up saying he misses me. Told me again that he thinks of me all the time, *insert deep sigh here* I can't respond to him in kind. I do not miss him at all, and I wish I'd stop getting these messages from him.
Oh it gets better. I again reiterated my love for James. Then Jason said, "I think I feel about you like you do for James," and it hit me hard. I felt bad for like ten seconds until I realized he is DATING. He's slept with other women since he left his wife. He told me flat out when I explained this twin soul journey to him that he could "never do that." He said he could never wait for someone like I am doing. He said, and I quote, "I could wait for maybe like a week."
BIG huge difference.
He said he needed to go to sleep and I said okay. I was thinking about him, feeling kind of bad that he cares so much, and thinking how ironic it is that here I want male companionship and this man wants me- but I want James and I am not willing to accept a substitute.
Ha, then Jason accidentally text me a text meant for another woman. He SO does not feel for me like I do for James. Yes he cares for me. Yes he wishes we could be back together, like all his problems would be solved then. We did share something very very special of soul. He craves that feeling again, and I hope he finds her!!! I know he will :) But she certainly is not me. The thought of holding him or kissing him again, or being intimate with him, makes me cringe. Not because of HIM but because he is NOT my twin. So he text me, meant for someone else, and when I responded he wrote back and said, "Well I DO wonder if I'll ever see you again." I told him not likely because I won't want to give more than even one iota past friendship and I think he'd want more. And he called me "baby doll" and he said, "Well I'll always wonder..." I don't at all care that he text someone else, lol. But it made me realize that it's okay to let him go now.
So this morning I text him and told him I need total silence in my life, no men besides James. Even Jason so I am saying my "best wishes" and good bye. It is what felt right to me. I don't care to talk to him. I don't want messages from him or through him. I want my JAMES. Whatever James is- twin soul, twin flame, soul mate, spiritual mirror... I don't care about the label- I care about HIM. He resides in my heart always and I ONLY want him. And I know he wants me! He calls me "his future." He's recently said he wants to see me again. He said he hopes and wishes we'd be intimate soon. He's said, "I really would love to see you." He's said he wishes I was cuddled in his arms right now.
Love can't be faked. I'd NEVER say anything remotely similar to Jason now. I do NOT feel it, and not even SPIRIT could force me to do it. James would not say those things to me if he did not mean them, and I know he does.
I simply cannot handle having another man call me "beautiful" or "baby doll." Only James. Only his sweet voice should be saying to me, "Hi honey!" Or babe. Or beautiful. Anything sweet like that should only be coming from him. I can't tolerate it from another man.
I won't.
So it is over. Jason text back this morning and said very simply, "Peace! God bless." This lets me know I did the right thing. It's okay. I wish Jason the best always and in everything, and God totally knows that. But our time is over now.
People come to us for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Jason was a very sweet loving kind wonderful season. James is my lifetime.
I'd rather only have a five year-old boy conversing with me right now than any other man besides my Beloved James. That is MY choice, my prerogative. I might not be able to make many 3D choices in this journey but this is one I am making. I want NO ONE from my past reaching out to me besides James. Anyone else pops up and he will get cut off too. It's how I feel.
I am aching for my James. I miss him so much that when I write about him and Jason pops through- it does not feel right or genuine. I have no temptation to take the easy way out and share affection with someone who is now only a friend. I would not do that to James or to myself or to Jason. So it's over.
I talk to no men right now besides my son and family. I have no "guy friends." LOL- any male friends I have are all gay, ha ha ha. All I want is James. I long to share conversation with my friend again about the universe and love. Us. I miss us so much. I believe in us. I refuse to waver.
I will see him again. Until then I will enjoy his memory. Last night I was writing that I do remember him, and I love his memory. I cherish his memory. I adore bringing to mind the love he showed me. As I was writing those words this song began playing and then I started crying in the coffee shop.
My other soul mates- I will see them on the other side, and I will hug them all and say "Thank you for loving me. Thank you for helping me."
But for now, those tears I shed while sitting on the couch in the coffee shop bearing my soul on paper are for my Beloved. No one else.
Yes. This is how I feel, right here. DEVOTION.
What more can I say?
Last night I was at the coffee shop writing about my twin soul, James. Very specifically writing about how he is the only one for me. I only want him. I remember him. I LOVE and totally adore him and I respect, cherish and appreciate the love he has for me.
James is a very faithful type of man. He does not like to date around. Like he is not one to have a date set on Monday with one woman and another on Wednesday with a different woman. He thinks that's a travesty. He is old-fashioned like that, and I totally love that about him. He's seriously my Sweet Perfection.
That said, as I was writing last night, Jason text me AGAIN. And I have not heard from him in weeks, since the last oddity when he reached out to me. He said hello. He ended up saying he misses me. Told me again that he thinks of me all the time, *insert deep sigh here* I can't respond to him in kind. I do not miss him at all, and I wish I'd stop getting these messages from him.
Oh it gets better. I again reiterated my love for James. Then Jason said, "I think I feel about you like you do for James," and it hit me hard. I felt bad for like ten seconds until I realized he is DATING. He's slept with other women since he left his wife. He told me flat out when I explained this twin soul journey to him that he could "never do that." He said he could never wait for someone like I am doing. He said, and I quote, "I could wait for maybe like a week."
BIG huge difference.
He said he needed to go to sleep and I said okay. I was thinking about him, feeling kind of bad that he cares so much, and thinking how ironic it is that here I want male companionship and this man wants me- but I want James and I am not willing to accept a substitute.
Ha, then Jason accidentally text me a text meant for another woman. He SO does not feel for me like I do for James. Yes he cares for me. Yes he wishes we could be back together, like all his problems would be solved then. We did share something very very special of soul. He craves that feeling again, and I hope he finds her!!! I know he will :) But she certainly is not me. The thought of holding him or kissing him again, or being intimate with him, makes me cringe. Not because of HIM but because he is NOT my twin. So he text me, meant for someone else, and when I responded he wrote back and said, "Well I DO wonder if I'll ever see you again." I told him not likely because I won't want to give more than even one iota past friendship and I think he'd want more. And he called me "baby doll" and he said, "Well I'll always wonder..." I don't at all care that he text someone else, lol. But it made me realize that it's okay to let him go now.
So this morning I text him and told him I need total silence in my life, no men besides James. Even Jason so I am saying my "best wishes" and good bye. It is what felt right to me. I don't care to talk to him. I don't want messages from him or through him. I want my JAMES. Whatever James is- twin soul, twin flame, soul mate, spiritual mirror... I don't care about the label- I care about HIM. He resides in my heart always and I ONLY want him. And I know he wants me! He calls me "his future." He's recently said he wants to see me again. He said he hopes and wishes we'd be intimate soon. He's said, "I really would love to see you." He's said he wishes I was cuddled in his arms right now.
Love can't be faked. I'd NEVER say anything remotely similar to Jason now. I do NOT feel it, and not even SPIRIT could force me to do it. James would not say those things to me if he did not mean them, and I know he does.
I simply cannot handle having another man call me "beautiful" or "baby doll." Only James. Only his sweet voice should be saying to me, "Hi honey!" Or babe. Or beautiful. Anything sweet like that should only be coming from him. I can't tolerate it from another man.
I won't.
So it is over. Jason text back this morning and said very simply, "Peace! God bless." This lets me know I did the right thing. It's okay. I wish Jason the best always and in everything, and God totally knows that. But our time is over now.
People come to us for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Jason was a very sweet loving kind wonderful season. James is my lifetime.
I'd rather only have a five year-old boy conversing with me right now than any other man besides my Beloved James. That is MY choice, my prerogative. I might not be able to make many 3D choices in this journey but this is one I am making. I want NO ONE from my past reaching out to me besides James. Anyone else pops up and he will get cut off too. It's how I feel.
I am aching for my James. I miss him so much that when I write about him and Jason pops through- it does not feel right or genuine. I have no temptation to take the easy way out and share affection with someone who is now only a friend. I would not do that to James or to myself or to Jason. So it's over.
I talk to no men right now besides my son and family. I have no "guy friends." LOL- any male friends I have are all gay, ha ha ha. All I want is James. I long to share conversation with my friend again about the universe and love. Us. I miss us so much. I believe in us. I refuse to waver.
I will see him again. Until then I will enjoy his memory. Last night I was writing that I do remember him, and I love his memory. I cherish his memory. I adore bringing to mind the love he showed me. As I was writing those words this song began playing and then I started crying in the coffee shop.
My other soul mates- I will see them on the other side, and I will hug them all and say "Thank you for loving me. Thank you for helping me."
But for now, those tears I shed while sitting on the couch in the coffee shop bearing my soul on paper are for my Beloved. No one else.
Remember
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