Musings...

While in the midst of a twin soul separation many "gurus" {or those who would like to think of themselves as "experts" instead of just "experiencers"} say "You have to live your life."  And I understand this.  Just because this person who came and turned my world upside down in love is not here with me right now does not mean I can stop living my life.  These pictures are from our recent trips to the beach.  We live near the dunes, fresh water lakes as big as mini oceans- total beauty.  I tend to forget this amazingness is only a half hour away from our home.  We live in a very urban area so getting away to nature is very important to me.  It is a blessing to brush off the concrete and technology and be immersed in nature.  Last night after work I hurried to pick up my son, ran home to throw together some sandwiches and our suits, and off we sped to the beach for the evening.  I have not stopped living my life since James left me, and as a matter of fact I am shocked at how even right after he left, went quiet and I felt like my world was crumbling I was still able to function and function well.  I had my son's 4th birthday at a train-themed restaurant at that time.  I remember taking him trick-or-treating and wondering how I'd make it through.  But I did.  Maybe it was because all along somewhere inside of me I knew James truly did still love me and I was experiencing a divine connection.

I've never felt that this journey is to show me that I need to be whole on my own, or joyful while having no romantic love in my life.  I don't think it was meant to "strengthen" me but to make me more fearless.  Honestly I feel the only reason why I've experienced it is to make me believe I am loveable and desirable in all ways, to get me to believe when love is offered to me.  He showed me so much love, so much love.  He was thankful that I was his sweet unique accepting girlfriend, and he felt that he'd finally met the love of his life.  It is not always easy living life without my male companion here with me.  I miss James so much.  But I do live.  I just wish he was here with me right now so we could live life together.  I know that is what he wants more than anything, to be back with me again, and he will soon.

XxOo

Jennifer