~~**Butterfly Kisses**~~

I have a few thoughts I need to work out here in writing so I figured I do it on my blog since some of you tell me that my written meanderings help you too :)

Seeing James' Twitter feed has really affected me, and not in a negative way at all.  I am overcome with his major sensitivity.  I forgot why I always used to say he felt like a "girl."  Because he's this walking ball of sensitivity and see... due to him having to be my mirror, showing me my fear energy and worried and doubts is not always so sensitive-feeling.  So I forgot how sensitive he is.

If I did not see his posts to the beautiful and bright singers he pours his heart out to {oh my sweet little twin soul!!!} I would think it might be a girl tweeting on his feed.  One of these singers, may have been Michelle Branch, posted a picture of her older-than-God grandparents sitting in bed holding hands.  They are OLD- like in their 90s.  He tweeted in response, "So precious."

So precious.  HE is so precious.  He writes sweet comments on the photos they post of their kids.  I want to just melt.  I forgot how sweet and warm and big-hearted he is.  He is this walking ball of ooey gooey sensitivity.  I KNEW it- I kind of remembered it- but finding his Twitter feed reminds me clearly.

I love hot tea with honey and cream.  He tweeted, "Yummy- a cup of hot herbal tea with organic honey and a splash of half and half," and I am still asking myself, "Is this guy FOR REAL?"  I asked myself that when I first met him too.  He did not feel real.  His level of sensitivity is off the charts, and he feels like feminine energy.  He's too cute.

I need to stay here, in this place.  I need to remember that he is a good dear man.

Last year EXACTLY right now, to the day, I was being triggered hugely.  I went back to my journal from that time to read my thoughts and the guidance I was given.  Soon after this time my guidance stopped channeling to me so it helps for me to go back and see what maybe I was not understanding then that I may understand now, and see if the guidance holds new meaning for me.  When I am in fear I cannot understand what I am being told even if it is very simple.  The messages given to me are not complicated.  They are very simple, lol.  Even then I have a hard time getting them to sink in!

I've written this a hundred times on my blog but I want to repeat it here because I think it applies to many of us who are in a twin soul union.  I think it is very important to us who are in twin soul union. You know how we are told that we are all on a journey of learning unconditional love for all?  I do believe this but when in a twin soul union we are being asked to very specifically trust and believe and love our twins.  Dare I say the focus is supposed to be on them... not "loving the world."  That will come later.  We are all loving individuals to begin with.  I don't think many of us twin souls have huge problems loving people.  We love naturally.  But we doubt when people love us.  We doubt ourselves.  We have trouble thinking we are worthy of love so self-love for ourselves is so very important in the twin soul union, and let me explain why...

We HAVE to believe that they love us, despite appearances.  This is a big step in the twin soul union because if we cannot believe they love us then that love cannot be shown to us.  If we feel that love love does not exist then what do you think happens?  IT IS AS IF IT DOES NOT EXIST.  It cannot be shown to us if we do not fully believe in it.  And it is not easy to believe in their love through the silence, coldness and other "appearances."

BUT- to be able to believe in their love for us we must first believe we are worthy of such love, so the self-healing and working on self and loving self and healing self and trusting self and letting go of self-judgment and shame and guilt and ALL that "healing inner" work must happen before we can even start believing we are worthy of love.

Make sense?  So yes self-love, unconditional love for self, is so so so very important in this journey.

After self-love though comes two very important steps in this process, so it kind of goes like this:

1. Unconditional love for self
2. Unconditional love for our twin souls
3. {And the biggest challenge for me} Totally believing in and trusting in the love they have for us.

For me the first two steps are easiest.  Loving him comes very easy to me.  I adore James.  I think he's fucking amazing, and I'll never change my opinion of him.  If loving him was all I needed to bring him back to me... well he would never have left in the first place.  Because I adore him.  But in a twin soul union loving them is not enough.  No.  We have to believe in the love they have for us.  It is paramount.  I do believe this for the reason I explained above.  This is a unique journey for us twin souls and it is very specific to the two people in the union.  This does not, in my opinion, concern learning how to live a highly spiritual lifestyle, learning how to love the world, etc. etc.  It concerns the dynamic between the two people.  It is like we live in a bubble, a twin soul bubble, and the most important "quest" for us now concerns self-healing, loving the twin, and believing in their love for us.

So when I read people going on and on about "Well we must learn unconditional love for everyone" or "We must live a spiritual life" or "We must do some spiritual career" to be reunited I cringe.  I do not believe this.  Just be a good person like you are naturally, love yourself and concentrate on your UNION.  YOUR UNION.  I absolutely DO believe this concerns the other person and we are NOT meant to "detach" or push them out of our energy or consciousness.  I don't suggest stalking or writing in 3D all the time or anything like that- this is all inner energy work.  All of it because your twin soul will NOT contact you until you are in BELIEF.

I re-read some of what my guidance told me a year ago.  And it is all very very simple.  I've shared it here before and I will share it again.  It is similar to what other people have written just given to me in a little bit different way, in the "flavor" of language that my guidance uses with me.

I am told to absolutely ignore the "nonsense" that is shown to me, the mirroring.  To not believe at all that it is him or his intention- he is purely mirroring me so I can see my "monsters" AKA my fears because "Not seeing means repeating."  I have to be able to clearly see what I am creating so I can work on NOT creating it.  And to not create it I have to no longer have those fears or think those thoughts and that includes not fixating in or believing that what the mirror shows me is his intention. No- it is not his intention.  Ever heard the phrase, "Don't kill the messenger?"  They are messengers for us,

I am told to instead to concentrate on his "only love."  His kisses.  KISSES.  My guidance wants me to realize, own, fixate on, obsesses about, constantly think about, meditate on, write about... his loving adoring warm enveloping never-ending kisses which were a clear indication of the level of strong love he had for me.  "Love is only kisses" is what I am told.  I was CLEARLY told to ONLY CONCENTRATE ON HIS LOVE.  The love he showed me.  Nothing else.  No fear.  No discussing or commiserating or talking over fears with friends and, for God's sake, NO DISCUSSING ANY OF THE MIRRORING.  I find myself thinking of the things he has written to me, the stuff he's had to show me, and I feel... terrible.  It feels terrible when I begin to allow myself to think, "Did he really mean this or that?"  NO- he did NOT mean it.  It did not come from his heart it came from my mirror and I am meant to know what he's showing me and let it go.  LET IT GO.

And shift into thinking about his sweet kisses instead.

I am told that there is a destiny out there for me and James together, a future together.  But fear and doubt keeps that destiny from me.  My "illness" is not believe in his love for me.  It has been the largest challenge of my life to overcome and I am still working on it.  My "illness" is what keeps my destiny away from me because when I do not believe in his love for me, when I do not trust his goodness or his strong sweet love, then he cannot show me love.  He cannot show me, "I want you in my life so much!"

No- he has to show me the OPPOSITE.  Are you following me here?  What is the opposite of "I love you and want you in my life?"  I don't need to spell it out- it's not fun, it's not pretty and it does not feel good.

Feel like fearful lies and not truth.

So.  To wrap this up.  Do whatever it takes to meditate on the love your twin has for you.  This does not mean simply thinking, "I love you so much!!!"  It means you have to remind yourself of loving times, loving dreams, loving words, loving touches you've shared, kisses... remind yourself of their loving energy and how much you meant to them.  Believe in it.  You MUST believe in that love in order to allow your destiny to come to you.  This is not all about being "pathetically" in love.  It is not only about "fighting" for love.  It is about working towards owning your destiny because you can keep it from you with disbelief, and we don't want that right?

We want to own our destinies with our twin souls, and to do so we MUST believe in the love they have for us.  We must believe they love us because we are worthy of such love.  So believe it and do what YOU need to to always remind yourself and put yourself in the space of that love.  For me it is writing, obviously.

I also think going inner and being more quiet now is needed, like not talking with other people.  Not getting the opinion of anyone else.  Just diving down deep and believing in the two of you.

My twin used to write to me, "I believe in us!"

I believe in us.

Hugs to all.

Jennifer