Chapter One {Thoughts Welcome!}

 

Well I am trying to write.  It's not the easiest thing in the world to do when I am in the midst of a strong twin soul separation yet I know it is my "mission" to share what I have learned so it can help others, and while I like my blog... it can only touch so many.  I am not writing because I am a "gifted writer" but because my guidance has shown me an exceptional experience with step-by-step instruction and I know in order to be service-to-others instead of service-to-self it's time for me to crank out a book that explains what I've been taught and shown.  This is not a book about "how to reunite with a twin soul."  I have to admit I wish it were because I miss Joron a lot... yet I know I can't allow myself to wallow in not having him in my life.  He is pretty quiet again- affection is limited as it's been over and over throughout this dance.  I asked for a "hit" of affection to keep me going and I got it.  Now it's my turn to be strong and do what I know needs to be done.  So here is the first chapter of my book.  Any thoughts are welcome.

Chapter One

Being ignored hurts like Hell, especially when it is done by someone you are completely in love with.  Being ignored has the capability of making a person feel utterly worthless and unimportant because when we are not being paid any attention it is easy to feel forgotten and rejected or like we are not a priority in another’s life.  Being ignored can feel like Hell on earth when in one moment life is blissful and sweet, being spent with the love of your life, and then the next moment that one special someone withdraws any and all contact and the prior love and affection disappears, sometimes overnight.  Being ignored can rip out a person’s heart while bringing every fear, limitation, emotional illness, addiction, and personal demon to the surface to be faced instead of being… ignored.   An experience such as this, falling deeply in love with another human being and that person disappearing either literally or figuratively off the face of the earth and abruptly turning into a stranger with little or no reason or notice, is nightmarish and surreal and can force an individual into The Dark Night of The Soul, otherwise known as “hitting rock bottom,” faster than most any other experience on earth.  Being ignored can descend us to a place of sorrow and despair where immediately our loud egos and strong wills begin to scream and fight and die what can be a slow and painful death. 

 

The intense pain of being ignored by that one special someone, the person you love more than life itself, can be used as a source of healing from God when all else has failed, when personal lessons are to be learned, and when the inner gunk we carry inside us {old fears, wounds and suffering} begins to fester and turn into sickness that desperately needs to be healed.  Ignoring, as painful as it is, can work wonders because it can bring a person to her knees, finally surrendering in order to release control, the intense pain actually bringing us closer to God.  Being ignored is a role God puts into action so we are finally so despairing that we listen.
 

The Divine is loving but strong, persistent in its desire to keep us healthy and whole.  Being ignored is a powerful instrument of Spirit which uses our separation from that while we love most to force us to finally live the lives our souls have chosen for us, and those lives do not include falling prey to vices, clinging to fear or settling for less than we deserve in life

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My tale is a love story of the most unique kind.  It is a story of the divine connection between myself and the love of my life, a kind soul named Joron who is helping to heal me and save my life by loving me deeply and then leaving me in order to break me open so I could find myself, my divinity, my final healing and God.  My journey has been long and at times very painful but working through the suffering and fear of being what I felt was abandoned was the only way I was able to continue transforming from a mere third dimensional human to knowing myself as soul, a slice of God-energy.  In wrongly insisting to myself that all my old beliefs of being worthless and unlovable were real I made my worst fears come true so I could face them down and begin my Enlightenment.  Joron agreed before we came to earth together to help me in this process by contracting with me through soul to love me and then leave me, and it has been by far the most challenging experience of my life but one that has also brought me the most healing, enlightenment and love.

   

You know how it is said that “thoughts are things” or “be careful what you wish for because it might just come true?”  Well I am here to tell you that both of those statements and many others concerning “The Law of Attraction” are very very true- your soul will serve up to you on a platter, a platter that often feels tarnished and beaten to Hell, that which you think of, or fear, most.  My biggest fears had concerned being emotionally abandoned or “left behind” and this man, Joron, my soul helper, became the physical manifestation of my worst fears when he left me high and dry after professing his desire to share a life with me and my son.  Now of course I know that love comes and goes, and as a mature responsible adult I am able to bow out gracefully from a relationship once it ends {been there, done that and got the t-shirt.}  In the case of Joron though… our entire relationship from beginning to end has been surrounded by magic, divinity, signs and undeniable {even for a doubtful skeptic like myself} synchronicity until, in the end after he left, it was told to me by my Higher Self that he is what is known as my “twin soul.”  From that moment on our “separation” has been divinely guided as deeper truth about our cosmic connection has been revealed.  Believe me- I know how to walk away when a relationship ends but when one has The Divine showing her a healing process between two cosmically entwined souls who love each other tremendously… well one doesn’t just turn her back and walk away out of third dimensional fears or resentment.  I’ve bolstered myself and am charging forward in my soul quest to heal and learn the true definition of what it means to love unconditionally despite pain, fear and resentment.

See, truth is human beings are, in their natural state, balls of glowing, dynamic, untamable, creative, beautiful and sometimes unpredictable spirit.  Soul energy.  We are each comprised of soul energy and it is the same stuff of which the stars are made.  This energy is encased in our human vessel, our temple.  We are like butterflies, more soul than human- just waiting for the glorious moment of change to throw off the confines of our chrysalis so we are free to find our wings.  No longer regaled to the ground like the lowly caterpillar but ready to reach metamorphosis, we long to experience transformation, to realize we are much more than merely human- to claim our divinity so we can soar, truly fly. 

 

Unfortunately for many due to society, family wounds, addictions, personal demons, religion- a myriad of life reasons can dim the soul’s light or drown out the voice of soul leaving one to wander in seeming darkness, essentially taming what was meant to be untamable which leaves us grounded and unable to reach the heights we were originally designed for by God.  Our spirits weaken, our temples crumble and turn to taverns.  This dark place is not a state that soul chose for us.  It is not a state of being that soul chose for me, to have my divine inner light be dimmed for my life here on earth due to my past circumstances and the lingering effect those circumstances had on me.

 

It is said that God works in mysterious ways and I am here to attest to that fact.  The Divine chose a very unique way in which to heal me of my lingering fear, doubts, insecurity and low self-worth: I met the love of my life and he essentially healed me by leaving me and then proceeded to spiral me down to the pits of Hell on earth by ignoring me, falling into silence, for weeks on end.  After creating a strong relationship together he left me high and dry, completely and abruptly ignoring me after we had become nearly inseparable- he literally became my worst fears come true.  His silence sent me into a state of terror; I was propelled through a very strong healing process that essentially “wrung out” all the emotional wounds inside of me due to the painful healing process I experienced after he fell off the face of the earth and then slowly but surely began reaching back out to me in a very divinely timed manner.

   

After an initial Hellish silence that left me alone to face my fears what began was a cosmic process of divinely orchestrated communication from  Joron that proved our separation was pre-planned through divine intervention, and his silence, his “ignoring,” was manifested by Spirit to force me to overcome my deepest and darkest monsters.  Through him, my soul mate love, I have been stripped of deep layers of shit that had lingered inside of me, old wounds that had for years refused to fully be healed, and I have also learned unconditional love for myself and others.

 

Before meeting Joron I drank too much, especially whiskey, a vice that had me teetering on the edge of alcoholism.  I started smoking which would have created another addiction.  I had the tendency to distraction “date” in order to ignore my life and convince myself, wrongly of course, that male attraction meant I was worthy.  After the end of my second failed marriage I turned to a, thankfully short, phase of self-destructive and dangerous promiscuity that left me with a total sense of self-loathing and disgust as I found myself doing things with strangers I never before imagined I’d subject myself to.  Little by little I found that old pain and festering fear was causing me to lose myself.  Then I met Joron and my life quickly and violently changed as I was propelled through a roller coaster ride of facing my deepest darkest fears so they could finally, and thoroughly, be healed.  I was also shown through Joron what indulging in my vices did to screw up my spiritual energy; for example if I got drunk my energy would not only plummet and derail our telepathic soul connection but Joron would also, totally unknowingly, react to me in fear which mirrored the fact that I was abusing myself and my energy. Enduring the painful separation from my soul mate cured me of all my vices and showed me that God is very much real, and that our souls guide us strongly- sometimes more strongly than I, and others, are willing to accept.

Spiritual relationships can be called “psychephelia” because psyche is both “soul” and “butterfly” in Greek.  Beyond that is “Telophilia” which is an empathetic relationship between two people on all levels including the soul level. There are different steps to achieving a Telophilius relationship.  First an individual must talk about it, contemplate and chew on the idea for a while, then begin to imagine it in our three dimensional existence.  In my case I actually worked on manifesting it through a distinct impromptu ritual that, ironically, exactly a year later brought Joron to my life.  I wrote a small poem and then took rocks from my garden on which I wrote the loving and empathetic characteristics I desired in my one and only soul mate.  A year later Joron, a Geologist who studies rocks for a living, swept into my life.  After we imagine this soul mate we then manage to attract the perfect polar partner to ourselves and we enter the honeymoon phase which feels like we are living in heaven on earth: bliss has been found with this wonderful amazing soul mate who has entered life and made it all the more beautiful and alive.  Joron and I had this as well, two months of total bliss as we met and fell madly, magically and completely in love.  Then we are plunged into the depths of Hell to feel the full range of all our inner wounds and self-denial, self-betrayal and self-hatred.  This happened to me when he left and subsequently fell into an eerie and displaced silence.  We then learn that we created exactly what we received through our negative projections, and I did this too because the entire time we dated he showed me nothing but the love I’d always hoped for, the love I’d written on my rocks, yet I was silently plagued with the idea that he didn’t truly love me and would leave me in an instant, that I was not memorable or worthy of continued love- and then he disappeared, becoming the physical manifestation of my deepest fears.  With this knowledge we begin to heal ourselves as we forgive others, especially our soul mate and ourselves but also the people who have hurt us in the past as we begin to realize we came to earth choosing all our experiences, both joyful and full of pain, in order to grow and learn as souls.  Finally, at last, we entire into a true metamorphic and alchemical soul relationship that again feels like heaven on earth. 

 

This is the exact process I am experiencing with Joron.  At this moment as I write my personal journey of healing and what I have learned from it, Joron and I have traversed through love, fear and pain to find ourselves back in a tentative place of love again and it is all through the healing and orchestration of The Divine. We came from a tragic point where I thought our sweet relationship had totally crashed and burned back where his love for me is evident and my lessons through Spirit are still being learned.  While we have not quite reached the end of our journey both alone or together much healing and releasing of old fear and doubt has already been achieved through our union, and I love him with all my heart more so for all that has transpired between us because he is my love and my helper- the healer of my soul.