My guidance has used the term "quest" with me for a while now. I never knew exactly what it meant but I assumed it referred to this spiritual journey I am on. Then the moment before I met my twin soul face to face I was told to cherish him because he was a gem, but my guidance also channeled the word "nemesis" to me, and I also didn't know what it meant but I tucked it away. A few hours later while on my first date with Joron we were swinging together at the park and while looking up at the blue moon and he said, "I believe in nemesis." Of course I was startled and immediately I knew something strangely wonderful was afoot.
Fast forward a few months and he was gone, silenced, and I wanted to die. I was battling the urge to drink as a form of escape. I knew to stay away from alcohol and was trying. One night I was feeling weak and I wanted a glass of wine but I know how that can go. One glass turns into two turns into most if not all of the bottle, and my son was home that night. As I was putzing around the kitchen I mentioned to my sister who was just getting ready to leave the house, "Man I wish I had a glass of wine." She told me I had just a few minutes before she left where I could run to the store for a bottle of wine. As I paused to consider this option my middle toe on my right foot cramped, and cramped bad. It curled up in a rigid fashion that no toe should ever contort to and I yelped, "Fuck me that hurts!" as I limped to sit down. I asked in my mind, "Is that you?" and was told, "Never ever drink at home alone, especially with your son home. What if he needed you?" Now of course this could all still have been in my mind, somehow psychosomatic or... I don't know. It's very hard to explain away an experience such as this.
I nodded my agreement and said, "Did you make my toe cramp?" I was given an affirmative and immediately the cramp melted away, and I do mean immediately. Surreal right? I told my sister what had happened and that I'd decided to pass on drinking anything besides maybe a nice hot cup of tea later that evening. My sister said she didn't agree because she felt it was as if The Divine was "dictating" my life but I explained that I could have hobbled my ass to the liquor store if I wanted to cramp or not- but I was choosing to listen. My choice. Free Will. I had been given a very large sign on not drinking, which was the healthiest and smartest option for me. How does one ignore a sign as big as this one? One answer- you don't.
About a half hour later I took my totally happy and feeling fine four year-old to my room to hang out in my bed reading books; it was a Friday night. Upon climbing into bed he leaned forward and vomited everywhere, totally unexpectedly. No warning. No fever. No belly ache. Poor little man. We spent the entire night on the couch with a garbage can as he puked on and off every hour. I cradled him in my arms while he slept and as soon as he'd start to wretch I'd lift him, help him puke, wipe him off and cradle him back to sleep...
It didn't escape my knowledge that had I gotten drunk I would never have been able to take care of my son that night; normally he sleeps soundly all night long but this particular night I needed to be stone cold sober in order to properly mother my child.
During the night I read by the light of a small lamp, dozing only lightly. I'd purchased a book on Amazon while Joron and I were still dating. Somehow I was lead to it by something I'd read that linked to me to it and I was compelled to buy it. It is called "The Synchronicity Key." As little man was sleeping I decided to crack it open. I idly opened it and glanced down at the page and almost dropped the book out of shock. The chapter heading I'd opened to said, "The Hero's Quest and The Nemesis." I read that chapter and the next few and I thought that maybe I'd fallen asleep myself and was dreaming. The book explained everything I was going through on my spiritual "quest." I was the hero of my quest. The hero toodles through life experiencing the normalcy of 3D and 3D challenges. Then one day the hero meets the object of her desire and there is a period of bliss as she transfers from the life of 3D to the magical life of "behind the veil." Then life spirals out of control as she is thrust into the heart of her journey into this magical new existence and she must successfully finish her quest. At this point she becomes surrounded by signs and synchronicity as mysticism is all around her. She will not reunite with the object of her affection until she finished her quest, and she will meet her nemesis head on during her attempt to successfully finish her quest; her nemesis will try to derail the quest. She must overcome the nemesis, and the nemesis is her worst ego-based fear that will rear its ugly head.
If the hero does not overcome and she loses to the nemesis then she will have to do the entire journey over again in her next lifetime. As I read this I had to pause to highlight the Hell out of it, and to contemplate: I did NOT want to have to come back and do this lifetime, or one similar to it, over again. Hell to the NO. Hell nahhhhhhhhooooo... this has been one challenging fucking life and one I do not plan on repeating, thank you very much. I knew I had picked that book up and cracked it open to that exact page to alert me to the fact that I was on my very own hero's quest- and I could not let my nemesis of fear and doubt hold me back from achieving my quest of healing. I also read that the object of the hero's desire, the love interest, can shape shift into the nemesis throughout the journey- and this had happened with Joron already. He shifted from the role of my total one and only empathetic, soft, gentle and loving boyfriend into a cold, emotionless stranger who would shoot me these sterile messages that reeked of a lack of love- and each one made me face head on my fear of "loss of love" and emotional abandonment- he "shifted" into my worst fears in order for me to be forced to work through them. It is hard to run from your fears when they are being embodied by the man you love most in the world.
Had I caved and drank alcohol that night I would 1) not have been in the right frame of mind or body to take care of my child and 2) not have read that book which helped 100% alert me to the fact that this twin soul journey is TRUE and I am being heavily guided by Spirit to overcome doubt and complete my soul quest successfully... and it is my hope that in the end, in doing so, I will reunite with my heart's desire, my Joron. I was heavily doubting my experience but that night, being lead to those pages, really reaffirmed to me that something truly magical was happening in my life, an experience I could not let doubt destroy.
One special tidbit of information though: once the hero finds the "treasure" on her quest she is not meant to squander it or be greedy with it. She is meant to take it back to the "regular world" and share it with others. I truly believe that I have achieved a great treasure so far on my journey in that I have been healed of so much old crap, pain and vices- and I have been shown this twin soul process in a way that many others have not. My own guidance has told me not to "hog" my gifts- and this is partially why I am blogging and working on writing a book. I know it is part of my mission, my soul's quest.
Many people like to tell me that Spirit guides my life too much, or that I channel too often, or that I should question my guidance more to ensure it is "of the light." I have to laugh. I just have to laugh. Only a being of God would put up with my stubborn lack of self control, willful denial of listening to my guidance, while holding my hand and guiding me constantly back towards the light. Anything else would have let me sink already... but my guidance once told me- it will never leave me, ever. It is with me for eternity, and I do believe I am guided by my very strong soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment