Writing!

I read to my son often; it's a ritual for us.  Books, reading and writing have always been my magic and I made a vow to myself that my son would grow up with a love of the written word.  Words flow through my veins like blood.  I am made of the alphabet inside more than I am cells and atoms and all that other good stuff; if you cut me open "A, B, C, D" and the rest would fall out.

Writing a book has somehow become enmeshed in this twin soul union.  I am not sure if it part of my mission although I have a sneaky suspicion that it is.  I look at the twin soul forum, now that I am banned and can't respond, and I see all the posts about the "ignoring" and how "annoying" it is.  And yes the ignoring IS hurtful but it seems to be a Major Player in a twin soul separation.  The ignoring is NO accident.  There are not hundreds of men out there, and often the runner is a man although I know it can be a woman too, who are choosing to fall into this "pathological" ignoring for no reason other than to torture.  Nope.  I know it is a type of process, and there is some divine method to the madness.  I've watched it play out in my life while my soul has given me instant play-by-play along the way.  Oh, and I've also had to figure some things out for myself because it's not like my soul can tell me how to live my life step by step.  I have to make choices for myself.

I have SO many strange and magical instances of divine intervention in my journey but one I'd like to talk about today is when I went to see the movie "Winter's Tale" which is based on a monster-sized epic book.  I saw the preview on Youtube and got chills because it felt like a twin soul story to me, or at the very least a strong soul mate movie.  I knew I was meant to see it.  So back in January I wandered off to the theater one snowy evening, alone, and was one of only two people in the theater to see the show.  Oh it was a lovely magical beautiful touching movie about the magic of love.  I was totally mesmerized throughout, and the basis of the movie deals with the battle between darkness and light and how we are all here, Lightworkers, to help one other nurture that light.  And the darkness does not like it, not one bit, and will go out of its way to extinguish that light.

In the movie it is explained that each person on earth has a miracle inside of them meant to "save" another.  They are linked across eternity with this one soul their miracle is to be used for... and don't try telling me that does not sound parallel to twin souls.  There is talk of stars and stardust and magical love throughout the entire movie, how love will help save each other and the world.  At one point I had total goosebumps because one character says to another that once you meet that one and only special soulmate strange magical events begin to unfold and often "spirit guides" will introduce themselves in order to help guide, and often they can be spoken through animals or children.  Well well well... ever since I met my twin flame my own four year-old son has begun to "channel" Spirit.  It is undeniable- one day while channeling, and this was early on after Joron disappeared, I was channeling.  Spirit was telling me to write about all this, that I was meant to write a book, and I didn't believe it.  Surreal shit was already starting to happen, and the songs were the number one indication that I was being spoken to.  Michael Buble's "Hold On" started playing and my senses zoomed in on the words, and this always happens now when I am supposed to really "hear" a song.  I listened and thought to myself, "I must be going crazy because that songs like Joron.  It sounds like him telling me this is real, and to just hold on to us."  My guidance told me... "Yes!  Yes- it is from him.  His soul helps guide you through what you are experiencing.  You have to write about all this.  Write, right now.  Start.  Just do it.  Now."  Right then, and this is so strange and can't be explained away in any way, shape or form, my son who was coloring next to me at the table raised his little head, looked at me with a huge smile and said, "What are you waiting for mommy?  What are you waiting for?" and then he lowered his head and continued on with his picture.  I was shocked and Spirit said, "Yes Rose- what are you waiting for?"  When the character in the movie so deliberately said the bit about channeling through children I was thinking to myself... "Okay this is another sign- I was SO supposed to see this movie."

As the credits rolled I started sobbing.  Couldn't help it.  The song at the credits is called "Miracle."  The lyrics are not on the web but I've written them out.  Here they are:

"Remember we'd always see the end as the enemy,
Now we know it isn't so.
I'm starting to realize you've been giving me good advice
About where we go.
And if I ever need you you'll be there in the end,
Like a miracle... a miracle.
Maybe when we leave it's a rise and not a fall.
Is it possible?  It seems so real.
I'm sure that I can see the stars in your eyes.
With this voice of virgility, and beautiful ability,
There must be a reason to why we all survive
And feel this alive
Could it be that we all have a key to this universe?
I'm searching for a way to reach that high
To fly
Like a miracle, a miracle.
Maybe when we leave it's a rise and not a fall.
Is it possible?  It seems so real.
I'm sure I can see the stars in your eyes.
And even as I know,
Just to let it go,
I still fight it it fight it.
And now I am alone; I feel it in my bones
I have no defense against this love.
For it's a miracle...
I see these patterns emerging all over.
It's incredible... so beautiful,
The purpose of this love for each other."

This song is so representational of my twin soul journey.  I have to laugh because the word "virgility" means to experience a new virginity and that's exactly how I feel.  No man will be touching me for a long time unless he is my Joron.  That is MY choice- and not one made because I am mired in sorrow or sinking in despair.  No- my twin wrote me a song before we even met that was channeled to me upon awakening months before I met him, and the song is about holding on to soul mate love.  I feel deep inside that he is my one and only and not until I know differently will I be sharing myself with another, and that's fine with me.  A little celibacy never hurt anyone.  My twin is also staying single and I know it is because we are linked and working through this purposeful separation; I feel our relationship is protected from above.  "With this voice of virgility and beautiful ability," I correlate this to the fact that I am staying faithful to my twin soul- and I do have a "beautiful ability" to hear soul- I am blessed and thankful that somehow, some way, I can channel my soul and it guides me to help myself and others.

The song is beautiful.  Maybe when we leave it's a rise and not a fall... maybe when they leave us, when they run, it's for a strong healing purpose instead of being kicked in the face like we all feel it is.  Maybe it's to purge us of all our lingering fears of abandonment and worthlessness and insecurities.  Maybe it is so we will not be "left behind" when this "Shift" that is spoken about in the Enlightened community actually does happen.  What if?  I mean come on people- mini-miracles happen to us twin souls on sometimes a daily basis through signs, symbols and synchronicity.  It is possible that somewhere behind the veil The Divine is working to change our world... and we are key players who are not meant to be left behind but if we stay mired in the mud and the muck of 3D fear-based emotions we CANNOT SHIFT.  Enter twin soul.  Commence with heavy love affair.. and get dropped on the ass by the subsequent Hellish separation that "wrings out" the last of our shit so we can be elevated energetically in order to shift to 4D or 5D {or whatever the heck is going to happen or is happening already.}

So you see- what feels like Hell on earth is a process.  The leaving is not meant to be a fall.  This song says, "There must be a reason why to why we all survive and feel this alive.  Could it be that we all have a key to this universe?  I'm searching for a way to meet that high, to fly... like a miracle."  Right- there must be a reason why we all survive this very painful experience.  We all do have a key to this universe so we can unlock our potential.  So we can fly {like my butterfly analogy.}

But it's the end of the song that hit me hard.  "I see these patterns emerging all over."  And I do- I see this pattern of "ignoring" in order to heal popping up around me.  I just watched a friend go through it and she knew nothing about twin souls.  I see it on the forum and there is a clear and insistent pattern there.

But the last lines, "It's incredible, so beautiful... the purpose of this love for each other," it's those last words that made me really stand up and take notice.  There IS a purpose for this love for each other.  It's to heal through love and sacrifice.  The "runner" is making a sacrifice.  One message my twin sent me he wrote, "Our love will take sacrifice" and back then I thought he meant being together would take sacrifice because of the distance.  Now, knowing what I know, I think it was Spirit speaking through him.  There is a purpose to our love and we are each making a sacrifice to get through this.  He is ignoring his feelings for me to push me, and I think I am being shown a process that I am supposed to share through my gift of writing.

I know this is a long drawn out post so forgive me.  But as I sat in the theater, sobbing, I prayed SO hard.  I told God I knew I had a story like this one inside of me, one inspired by this twin soul experience.  I told God I knew it was to my benefit even though it hurt, and even though I rarely heard from Joron I knew he loved me.  I KNEW he loved me, and I believed this was a magical process we were enduring, something similar to this magical movie I'd just seen.

I left the theater and sat in my car while it heated up {nasty long dark cold Midwestern winter we had!} and as I did I took some notes on a story that popped into my mind.  A ton of energy was swirling through me and I felt energized in thinking about my writing, entertaining the knowledge that while I did hurt and miss my twin I knew it did all have a purpose and I could trust God.  I was having one of those blissful moments of clarity.

Then I stopped for ice cream and while sitting there thinking of all of this... Joron text me and he had not text me out of the blue for no reason but to say hello since he ran.  Never one time.  And never one time since that moment has he popped through via text to say hello.  NOT ONE TIME.  Are you listening?  Never once before since he ran, and never once since has he came through via text to say hello *except* for right after I gleaned a ton of knowledge and belief from this magical movie, and I knew I had to write about this experience.  He popped in to say hello, how totally unreal.  Said he had a break at work and was "thinking about me" and wanted to say hello.  And he did that really weird twin soul thing- my phone was ready to die {of course- this allowed us only a few words between us} and when I told him that he said "Boo to the dead phone!  Make sure to text me later before you go to sleep and say hello."  He always told me this.  But when I did- all I received was the eerie silence... no response.  None but by that time I'd half-way expected it.

These parallels continued to happen with him and they all surround my writing.  I write with joy and love and BAM he comes back.  I stop writing and he leaves.  When he was very much supposed to come back and see me in April, well, I'd been writing when we planned the meeting.  I'd been writing with love about him when one day he sent me a magical email telling me his heart, how he thought of me every day, and how he needed to get back and discuss our love.  And then I stopped writing.  I discontinued the good energy, refused to charge forth on my mission.  Instead I feel into Joron so much so that I also fell right on my ass into FEAR.  I forgot all about the process, all about mission and healing and went all 3D spastic- and he left again.

And now... whew.  Now he tells me he MUST come back to see his doctor here in my home town.  He did not come back in April but now it cannot be escaped.  And I know this is CLEARLY Spirit giving me a heads up: write.  Write.  Write, right now.  He himself has written to me that he wants to come back and see me {he's been saying this for months now but something always holds him back... as I continued to not write} and once he even wrote to me... "Oh you'd better be working on your book.""

And just the other night in between a few strange emails as we re-acclimated after this surreal silence he wrote and said, "I should proof read my messages better since I know I'm typing to a great writer."  If I didn't know any better I could have sworn I felt sarcasm from Spirit there.  Joron and I talked a bit about my writing but nothing in depth, nothing enough for him to keep mentioning it.  I know I am being given yet another chance to make this happen.  He alerted me to the fact that he has to come back; it is unavoidable.  I'm being told to get this show on the road so I am.  It's not the easiest experience to write about but I have to find a way.  All the signs are showing me that I have to, and in writing about him with love and recording tis experience with confidence instead of sorrow I am also manifesting and creating strong positive energy between us.  They feel us, and we feel them- and it's like a circle of energy that is constantly swirling around, or else it's like the infinity symbol- sweeping back and forth between the two.  I want to make sure the energy I sent his way is only loving, kind, understanding and positive.

And no, please don't write to me that I shouldn't be writing just to "win him back."  I clearly know this.  I have a strong story inside of me that needs to be told, twin reunion or not.  I also have a mission to help others who are going through this, and honestly from the purely selfish side- I have always harbored a life-long dream of being a published author, and if I can get this really strange unique experience onto paper in the "write" way then I can get it published.  I clearly see that we are supposed to resist the urge to crash and burn the relationship after they "run."  If I can reach even one person- even just one person then I am doing what I chose to do before I got to earth: help others.