LOVE & BELIEF!

 

All evening I've had this "energy" feeling in between my eyes, like in my forehead.  It's like my third eye energy.  I feel it from time to time.  This evening after I put my son to bed I really tried to be in a place of love for my twin soul.  I read some articles and felt around in my heart until I found that man I fell in love with.  I tried to listen and believe.  I blogged about the man I know in my heart.  The one I totally love, adore and would really love to have as my future.  I brought him close to me, and this is what Spirit has been trying to get me to do but I refused for these last few weeks.  

Then I listened to "I Won't Give Up On Us" and my heart just melted.  Melted.  I love Joron so much.  This has not been easy but I adore him like I love my son.  This is one reason why I've managed to be patient with him and not "go off" on him.  As hard as it's been, as tempted as I've been to fall into 3D and tell him how his silence can hurt- I've held off.  Only Spirit and what I've seen from Joron, that strange cause and effect stuff, keeps me from doing something I consider bullheaded and stupid.  And also because I do love him.

Because I feel this energy in between my eyes I tried to think of him.  I just really tried to find my belief tonight and bring my twin closer to me.  I blogged about hearing his laugh and I thought to myself and to him, "I miss your voice so much.  I miss you.  I love you."  And for some reason I wasn't very tired tonight so I stayed up reading and putzing...

And Joron contacted me :)  And he asked me to call him.  And we talked.  And it was fabulous- and I am going to tell you... it's all true.  I have no doubts about this any longer.  NONE.  And oh is my heart so so so much lighter.  SO MUCH LIGHTER.

Now I am going to think positive going forward but I am not saying it's totally resolved.  I do think I am supposed to be writing something.  I think I need to write what I have experienced and try to get it out there for others who are going through this because I have tried so hard to listen to Spirit and when I do he comes through and we get closer, and THIS TIME I am aware.  I know not to freak the fuck out.  And I will never doubt his love again.  He loves me- and eight months ago he was freaky afraid, telling me I was psycho and I was losing my mind not knowing what was happening.  Are you reading this?  But tonight he ended his phone call with an adamant "I love you."  It's a fucking miracle.  And I feel calm.  And thankful.  This man has helped heal me... and I am sorry to step on the toes of others but, at least for me, this twin soul connection is not only about God and Peace, Hope and Faith but it is also very much about the love.  Only staying in love, true unconditional love, with Joron is keeping this union intact and... I am positive we will, as long as we can stay on track, we will reunite.  We are meant to.  I can see this now.  I am no longer afraid.  I am patient.  He feels apprehension, and oh he explained to me why he didn't come back- and oh thank GOD he didn't come back!  I've been terrified he came back and ignored me but he didn't.

The poor man.  He basically got so stressed out that he got sick.  I know we were not supposed to see each other yet because I was freaking out too on my end.  We talked about his silence- it stems from feeling nervous and what he calls "weak."  He said he's sorry and I told him not to apologize- the past is the past.  I assured him I love him, and for the record- I do.  I fucking love him- and I don't care that he's fallen into silence for weeks, and I don't care if there are still aspects to this union that need to be cleansed.  I will accept it and move forward with him.  I am in total belief that God is in control of this.

I know it is not only about the love.  I must be meant to do something and {a later blog post} I've been pointed to write a book so I'm supposed it is time to stop dragging my feet and get 'er done.  Oh my word- something else medical happened to him that is forcing him to come back here, lol, in a few weeks or so.  I swear the entire thing is divinely orchestrated.  He is majorly nervous to see me so I asked him to please just relax.  No expectations.  He said he misses me.  It was a great conversation.  I wanted to cry and laugh and, lol, moan at the same time.  I don't think twin soul unions can be desire-free!  He's got the sweetest sexiest voice ever.

I want to help people though.  I feel there must be others going through similar circumstances as I am.  So far when I've tried to listen to Spirit {and I'm far from perfect} and have avoided crashing and burning us things have fallen into place.  I will do my best.  I'd love to see this work out between us because we make a great pair.  I know Spirit is guiding us, and it's of God.  I am free, healthy and healed for the first time in my life.  And it could not have happened without the help of my twin soul.  Thank God for him.  I really do feel stronger and fear-free for the first time in my entire life.  It's like the shackles are falling off.   

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.
Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

Another one of my favorite songs for my Joron :)  We shall see what happens from here but I do believe.