*Ahhhh I am editing this but I noticed it posted at 10:25 which is my all-time "see everywhere" number.*
Maybe I am wrong about the thought process I am having right now. It's a little far out. Maybe I'm done going and losing my mind, and maybe that really would not be a bad thing in the end- to lose my mind. I've slowly but surely been healed enough to achieve the impossible: I no longer have the fearful swirling thoughts and emotions that used to control me, that's for sure. Even with this separation and knowing the final say comes from above I still feel an overall peace. I miss him and get frustrated because I want to be with him, share life experiences and human/soul love with him. yet I am fairly calm. Most of the time, lol.
Here is my thought process. I've had surreal experiences with Joron, experiences that defy what we think we know about people and the world we live in. He shifts mid-conversation to show me fear then love and NONE of it is human 3D ego manipulation. It is all of soul. When we {typo but an ironic one so I'll keep it, "we" instead of "he"} communicates with me it is as if this soul energy inside of him is speaking directly so me just through him. I can go back now to when we were dating and see how it was happening back then, and man oh man was soul desperately trying to get me to believe in the love. My guidance would tell me to relax, trust and enjoy, and Joron himself would write me message showering me with love. He showed me NOTHING but love in an attempt to bulldoze my fears yet he couldn't do it, and then he had to leave.
One of his messages soon before he left did that thing where he tried so hard. He wrote, "I love you! Like I REALLY love you!!! I hope you accept my love because..." and his because was something like he was telling me he really liked me and wanted to continue on with me. But in the end I think he was SO desperately trying to tell me exactly what he wrote, "I hope you accept my love" because if I could not accept his love, trust him fully, and stop being so damn skeptical of him and his love, then he was going to have to become the embodiment of the fear I was manifesting.
It was as if, 100% of the time, soul was talking through Joron. ALL THE TIME. So here is what I think, and try to follow me here. I do not know if this is unique to my situation or not but I really think it applies in my twin soul union. And it seems to be what is sometimes said on the web when the talk of "the runner" does not overwhelm truth.
Joron is his soul. The man who dated me- I think the energy inside of him really truly is our shared soul energy, and it is 100% conscious and sentient. And since it is MY soul too, and all God does is love us unconditionally, it is an energy that AT ALL TIMES loves me totally. Like madly in love with me, dying to show me love, wanting to show me how wonderful I am as a soul and human being. So when we dated his ROLE was to show me how loved I am by soul- because he IS soul. And oh don't think for one moment that I did not love him. I did. My soul knew him and adored him but my ego feared. My ego doubted and was scared. But my soul loved because my role also was to love him with no conditions and I actually did love him. It was my fear that got in the way.
So again, he is soul, my soul {and his soul too} and soul is made to love us- it is an unconditional love. So for a while his body, his human vessel, was used to show me that huge ginormous twin soul SOUL love, the unconditional love soul has for me was given to me through the human male vessel AS A GIFT. A man who loves like me but in the end he turned out to be far more than a man.
Then time progressed and my fear grew, and it was time for me to see that which I create, and I was creating fear. And this is where it gets strange. I think soul loved me no less when it left me than when we were making love, giddy and close and warm and snuggly- but maybe soul likes that a whole lot more than separation and harshness. But to "tough love" me and teach me, and to save me, his "soul role" is to "fake" all the distance, quiet, and at times even cruelty but at least ambivalence, disinterest and lack of affection.
But it is fake. An illusion. I have to see my fear in order to face it and soul gives it to me through Joron. I think that soul still loves me exactly the same as before he left but is staying quiet for a purpose. Soul is totally conscious in him. It chooses to, has to, to stay quiet despite the love it has for me as, well, my soul. Soul WANTS to show me love; that's the point, and the only way it really can "physically" is through this human vessel known as Joron. So the love really is still there because it is not "just" a human love- it is a SOUL love but as humans we experience love through our human bodies because we ARE biologically homo sapiens. So two twin souls show each other that soul love through "partnership" in all ways including holding hands, sharing, being inseparable, total kissy face, almost becoming one in the end physically.
But to teach me and progress me and heal me and all that jazz soul had to say "bye bye and I'll miss you my love." I really am beginning to believe this. And all along the way soul has tried and tried to get me past my fear and let me know how much he loves me but I saw this from an all-too-human perspective of him using his "free will" to "choose" to ignore and overlook me. But see that cannot be true with all the signs, major major soul communication, synchronicity, songs, and just the way he plays on me. It can ONLY be soul knowing my every move, every fear, ever intention, etc. and always talking to me "through" Joron, like recently when he wrote and said, "I just want you to know I am not ignoring you." I felt I was getting a heads up, some reassurance because he was going to go quiet again to allow me to progress even further- how fortunate am I to get that message and see it for what it is? Soul reassuring me? And I have been shown love when I needed it to reinforce "Okay there is still love here," and then FEAR when I refused to believe. But all along the way soul is in there going, "Okay come on already. I do really want to come back to you, Joron, us."
And with me- I adore Joron. My soul loves him tremendously and will not give up. My soul is faithful and strong and will not turn away no matter how scared my humanity can become. But again- soul loves Joron too, totally and completely, and *I* am the vessel that is supposed to show him that total and complete full twin soul love. That is my soul mission, to love him unconditionally because that is what soul love is- unconditional God love. It is a love that cannot be replaced, not exactly, because soul mate love is AWESOME but it is not twin soul love. I do think soul mate love is sweet and wonderful and for some can probably create a good life together- but it is still not the same exact soul energy seeking to merge. Seeking to be each others gifts. Desiring to show each twin how much soul loves them by showing that love through each other, through the human vessel. Twin souls are created to love one another, if we can allow it by healing and stripping away fear. I think this is why they always seek to come back, because soul is always saying "Please, let's heal and be back together. Let me come back to you" because ultimately this is what soul wants- to merge.
And the love is always there just sometimes it is in hiding. I have always adored Joron deeply but I have also feared him and there can be no fear in this love. Now I can kind of see though just exactly how this is all soul. Either that or again I am losing it, lol. And I do not think I am. I think that the same exact love he showed me when we met is there now just quieted, and alllll the signs, songs, messages, etc. are from that energy just trying to get me to see and heal and get this shift going on because, and this is key, I don't think soul likes the separation. Soul loves me and wants to be close to me through Joron. I really feel this, and it's a weird thought, that my soul wants to love me and be gentle to me after this exceedingly long painful journey but first I have to get through to the end of my quest, however that is.
So for now I am still affirming. Still loving, and stripping myself of all fear. I do miss him though and that's a challenge because I want to hear from him, lol. I guess soul wants to be with soul. Confusing I know but it is an unconditional love that wants to be free to love unconditionally. So when he would say "I love you" that was actually my soul telling me, through him, "I love you. Please accept my love for it is real and pure and totally accepting." Alas, lessons were to be learned and here we are.
I was thinking about him as an Atheist and how we as souls each choose our "roles" before we come to earth. Some choose to be a man, some a woman. Some white, some black. Some Christian and he chose to be an Atheist. I get SO annoyed when people insist he MUST come around to being a "believer." NO- no he does not need to be a believer. Not if his soul chose to spend this lifetime as a science-loving, good-hearted, loving and compassionate Atheist. I am sure it is a role his soul chose for him, and he does that role well. Again, Joron is all soul, well heart and soul- but he has a nice quiet healthy ego, not a screaming one like many of us have or have had, me included! If his soul has a plan to shift into being more of a believer then he will. But maybe he will spend this lifetime speaking out against religion, and I am totally fine with that. He has a lot of pride for what he feels is important, and I respect him for it.
Anyway- just some thoughts rolling around in here the more I reflect on what's happened between us over these last nearly 17 months. This last go 'round was just so specific and surreal that it can be nothing other than of the divine, totally. And obviously since it started with the button pushing it means there is something being shown to me. And there is quiet again, and really one day I'd like to soul merge. I want to be back kissy face and as close to soul again because it does feel wonderful, and he, Joron, is my gift from my soul. The man I always wanted, and yes of course he is a man. But his heart, mind and consciousness is pretty much free from ego so his soul totally shines through, and he has a very beautiful soul.
So do I. Hopefully my ego is really quieting so I can begin to feel only love too. It seems to be happening. Strange. I can see it and feel it, and I am assuming this is what the twin soul union is *supposed* to do- this process of quieting ego to hear soul better. I pray to God above to keep me strong and constantly progressing in only an ego-free true unconditional soul love for Joron and all others since that is my path as a Warrior of Light.
My guidance has told me to "kiss his soul" and other twin soul guides say to write love letters to their soul- so maybe this is key, to write to the soul inside of them realizing that soul is perfect and so are we, all of us. Unconditional love.
We are one, and I love him tremendously. I look forward to when I can see our soul reflected back to me through his eyes again.
XXOO
Jen/Rosie
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