I Melt with You

I Melt with You

This love is deep, you know? I am doing my best to stay busy and not concentrate on the silence or the distance but instead paying attention to love.  I really am. Working through this is a test of my patience for sure.  I do feel like I am being cleaned out, totally.

I've had a lot of signs here recently.  My twin soul's song for his entire life is "Your Kiss Is on My List."  I have not heard it one time since he left. and it defines us.  We are all about kissing, and he always talks about my kisses.  When we reconnect in love he's always told me, over and over, how he's never met anyone whose kisses he loves more than mine, and how he can't wait to kiss me again. Kisses are not "I want to get in your pants."  Kisses are... I love you and want to be close to you.

I love you and want to be close to you.

So I've always told myself that when I finally hear that song it's going to be something I need to pay attention to.  The other day I was watching a video by Jenna Forrest and in it she mentioned again about writing love letters to a twin's soul, to his "perfected" self.  Thing is for me- he was pretty much perfect when I knew him.  Just the best guy ever so now I don't really have to "pretend" when I write to him or about him.  He SHOWED me his "perfected" self.  Of course he has flaws- we all do- but overall he is an amazing guy!  Totally and completely.  If you asked me, "What is one thing you would change about him?" I'd SCREAM "This distance!  I want him back!"  There is nothing I saw about Joron that I'd want to change.  But Jenna said we are supposed to write love letters to them so I tired.  I told myself I am committing to writing about him if it fucking kills me, fear overcome.  Jenna says that when we do this we should get some kind of sign, even if it is not hearing from our twin but something to show that it is the right thing to do.

So I did.  I pounded out some words to him, not to send to him of course, and really tried opening my heart.  The next day I got in my car and "Your Kiss Is on My List" started playing.  I actually paused and asked myself "Is this song really playing?"  It made me that much more inspired to just do the damn work- to pour out my love every day for Joron, to reaffirm my belief in the man he is, and to just love him with no resentment.

Then my son and I went in to a restaurant to buy a gift certificate.  When we left and got back in the car the next song was a song Spirit played in my head once for me and Joron.  It is poignant and I have not heard it on the radio maybe ever.  I had only heard it in my head and then looked it up.

So I took that as a sign and I'm committing to really working on being ONLY positive about all this, looking forward not looking back at all.  Concentrating on the love and not on the mirroring.  I continued to do my writing, writing what I think works, and a few days later my son did the strangest thing.  His dad dropped him off and I was on the phone.  He walked over to the Christmas Tree, smiled this HUGE smile at me and said, "Mommy guess who's coming?  Joron is!  Yep!  Joron is coming!"

Maybe I already wrote some of this is another blog post now that I think of it, lol.  But my point is I keep getting these signs, and I know they point me somewhere, and it has to be somewhere good. These signs are real and positive and the only thing I can do is TRUST.  And trusting can be scary.

My guidance told me before I met him, concerning him, "Walls will fall and hearts will melt."  Well he also told me during this separation, "I know when I see you I will just melt!" referencing us being together again and face to face, a dream come true to me.  My biggest dream right now.

So yesterday I got in the car and the DJ said, "And now another from our 80s vault" and I always pay attention because normally those songs are meant for me.  This time it was, "I'll Stop The World And Melt with You."  The words in that songs say, "Making love with you was never second best."

I know that song was meant for me too.  My son just told me "Joron is coming!" and you know what- I could be skeptical and say "Whatever!" or I could bust my ass continuing to do my work.

I'll bust my ass doing what I hope I am supposed to do not only to get past my fears so I can progress cleanly but ALSO, and I am fine in saying this, because I want this man back in my life.  I have to listen, and I have to clean myself out for GOOD.  Cleaning myself out for good means NO anger or resentment or rage or jealousy... no ego.  I read a lot of twin souls say, "Well I'm only human," and see Spirit wants us to realize we are more than just human, we are more soul than human, and we are not allowed to fall back on the excuse of "Well I am only human."  We are meant to transcend and know we are Spirit inside of a human vehicle.  We are meant to cleanse and become the best most pure version of ourselves that we can be, closest to what we are in Spirit.  I know ego will tell you that this can't happen because we are in 3D but that is just an excuse.  We are meant to shift from our base human self to our Spirit self, no questions asked.

Skeptics might say that a person can make himself out to be anyone he wants to, can fake it, for a good ten weeks or so.  But I know in my heart that Joron showed me his honest-to-goodness nature in falling in love with me so quickly and deeply.  Really what would would his intention have been in driving over to see me every few days, taking me out, buying me gifts, etc. only so sit and kiss me for weeks if not because he simply fell in love with me?

I am being healed of my fears.  That's what this is all about.  It has nothing to do with our love not being real or strong or very very right.  I ONLY love him.  The love affair we shared was something Nicholas Sparks could have written about- just so cute and wonderful and freeing and loving and real. Very real.  Joyful.  He brought me so much joy.  Many good memories were made in a very short time, and honestly they are some of the best memories of my life.

The. Best. Love. Ever.

Some people might not understand.  Some people may think I am stuck in the past, holding on to a memory {which actually I am} but I am not writing this for those people.  I am writing it for myself and for those who read this and understand where I am and what I am going through.  I love this man with all my heart and soul and I know that one day we will be back together again. and I don't completely believe in "divine timing" as it is taught.  I don't think there is some predestined calendar day out there they we are set to reunite.  No.  Divine timing, to me, is more about when the time is right.  When we have done the work to come together.

And this means the work needs to be done.