Honesty Is The Best Policy!!!

Wow this recconnection with Joron has been OFF THE CHARTS magical in many ways.  One thing it has shown me is the need for complete and utter honesty in the twin soul union, and really in all areas of life.  But especially between twins.

So I broke down and emailed Joron a few days ago, like I've already explained.  I never really expect a response.  I just hope for one, lol.  Whenever he does respond I *know* it is more of a lesson or opportunity instead of "OMG he wants to talk to me!!!"  <--- I laugh at that thought!  None of this is about fluff at this point.  It is about learning to grow stronger, watch my intention and stay out of fear and into love.  It is also about learning to manifest what I want.

So we wrote back and forth for a while and it was brutal.  Simply for the sake of education I want to note here some of the things he said to me.

• He called me psycho, an 11 on a scale of 1-10.  Then later he told me "But psycho is so sexy and attractive!  Imagine the psycho make up sex!"
• He told me I scare him, "for reals."  That shit is SO not the man I knew.
• He told me he does not want to be a step daddy, that before he thought he did but now from the outside looking in he does not.  My question is- outside looking in?  What does he know about my son?  Nothing.  There is no outside looking in.  It is nonsense.
• Same ole' button pushing with this one: "I'm like totally married to my science so it'll prolly never happen between us."  LOL- this is such nonsense too.  No doubt about it, and the thought of Joron using the term "prolly" makes me snort.  Same with "for reals" and this other word he kept using, "Blah."  Like "blech."
• He told me there were two things he did not like about me when we dated.  Those are my belief in God and spirituality which is total bullshit because he told me back then that he loves me MORE for my passion about God, and he had me read his tarot cards.  The other is that the bottoms of my feet were always dirty?!  Strange strange strange.
• He told me there is a 1% chance of us ever being together... but do you see?  Always keeping an open door there. 
• He ridiculed me for staying single and celibate for him- telling me he was flattered but then in the next breath telling me it was a turn off that I was holding out for him.  He kept saying, "Tell me you've at least had a one-night stand.  Tell me."  And I understand why- because I have been tempted to be with others but I have held my ground and the importance of this was being reiterated to me by him flat out insisting I tell him if I'd stayed single or not.  Thank GOD above I have not been with anyone else... because in these unions you cannot lie.  If you do- get ready for soul to lower the smack down on you.  Believe it- because if you do NOT believe it then you WILL pay the price for lying, and most likely it will be by your twin soul disappearing for a week... or a month or six.  Or a year depending on the depth of your wanting to hide your truth by lying.  

Absolutely ALL of that stuff he was telling me is crap.  But it was a big huge steaming pile of really nasty shit to have to face and overlook, overcome.  A big huge load of button-pushing crap.  He came across as a bit arrogant, pushing me.  Told me that yes he was off that day, and said, "And guess what" then proceeded to tell me he was at home grilling in 70 degree weather wearing shorts and sandals while drinking a good "red wine" and he asked if I was, wait for it, "jelly" and then he had to explain to me that it meant "jealous."  SO not Joron.  I'd already told him I was home with my SICK child, and he didn't comment, at all, about my kid, and that is no accident believe me.

This is what is happening here, just so you understand, and understand well.  I dug this union deep into the ground with fear... and I am being made to dig myself out.  Almost like I tarnished it, or damaged it, and this is the repercussions I am facing, looking my fears in the face and overcoming them.  It was so scary that I had to go to the bathroom- he literally scared the shit out of me at first.  I had to keep telling myself "This is not real- this is the illusion.  It is NOT your sweet adorable Joron.  It is only Spirit pushing the shit out of you- do NOT get tripped up AGAIN Jennifer!!!  Do not fall for the fear, please please please!!!"  I kept telling myself, "I will defend my love for him.  I will defend him and our truth!"  And I have to pay the price for my fear by facing that which I have been so scared of, battle through it, deny the fears, and move on.  I NEVER comment on the shit, like I don't get angry.  I don't mouth off to him because I KNOW it is Spirit-induced and Higher Self is just waiting to see what I am going to believe.  If I react to the shit then that means I BELIEVE the shit and I am not at all supposed to believe the shit he gives me.  Does that make sense?  

The shit is opposite of truth.  Here is truth.  He wants a life with me and my son.  He misses me.  He wants to marry me and be in bed with me kissing and cuddling every night.  He is the marrying kind and loves being in a relationship.  I REMEMBER that man, and all of this button pushing is forcing me to own my truth, and I refuse to fuck up this time.  NOT HAPPENING.  I am stronger than any fears.

So I canNOT react to it, at all.  Think of it like this: he has agreed to play his role, right?  Of my Nemesis, fear.  So he is like a character in a play, up in my face spewing fearful bullshit at me.  Am I going to get angry at the actual person playing that character?  Am I going to be terrified of that person?  No, of course not.  So I am not to get angry at Joron either, or even worse- afraid. 

Then it got even more interesting.  He kept saying he felt we should just be friends, and then he'd say "But you are so sexy and attractive in person so that would be hard for me."  And he'd admit that he loves me but that we can't always have what we want, and how could we ever have a life together?  He said, "Tell me.  Tell me a scenario where we could ever be together?"  The came the ultimate kicker and THIS, my friends, is where it gets cosmically strange and magical.  Mystical. Metaphysical, 5D totally. 

He said he wanted to come back and go "grab a beer or three."  He told me he'd drank two bottles of red that afternoon, California wine of course because he lives smack dab in wine country.  I do not believe that he drank two bottles of red wine.  No, I was being poked because I no longer drink.  In response to that I told him I would meet him but that I would drink soda because I no longer am drinking.  And I have TOLD him this like three time previously, once very much in depth- a message months ago that he never responded to.  I explained this entire connection to him and how he "hits" me when I drink.  

So he wrote back and told me, "You don't drink any more?  Well that's lame.  I was coming around until you said that.  I live in fucking wine country.  I can't date a girl who can't BBQ and do wine pairings."  And I was... standing tall.  THAT is not Joron, Hell to the NO.  Joron would be understanding.  Totally.  So we went back and forth a bit on this, all the while he was being a total shit about it, telling me there are new sushi restaurants open in Chicago but he would not want to go with a lame-o.  And he said, "So I seem to remember you saying something about drinking too much.  What happened?  Why did you stop drinking anyway?"

KEY- right here.  I was being asked a hard scary question.  I was terrified at this point because he said "It's a deal breaker."  But I had to explain so I did but I skirted things a bit.  I was, how do you say, leaving stuff out.  Afraid of this big bad scary monster judging me even more.  I sent him an explanation and he wrote back and said, "But are you an alcoholic?  Did something happen that you regret?"  I wrote again explaining a little more but was still vague and he wrote back again and said this.  "I deleted those old messages but I remember you telling me that you had a problem drinking so I am calling bullshit on what you are writing right now."

HERE peeps- right here.  I was being told, warned from above, "You had BETTER be honest and unafraid of him judging you."  Well by this time I was also miffed a bit so I went off and spilled my guts.  Told him about passing out with my child at home and he could have drowned or burned down the house.  Told him how awesome it was to be lonely going to the bars making stupid decisions I regretted later.  Told him that when my ex-husband would leave me alone I would drink to escape and then it became a problem once I was home totally alone, and even worse when I was sad and alone.  Told him I did not want to turn out like my own mother, and I refused to put my child through what I went through so I stopped, and that was my choice.  My right as a responsible mother.  AND I told him that I needed no interevention.  I do not drink alone or sad.  But if I was in a healthy relationship, safe and content, then I could have a glass of wine.  One.  If I wanted to, and I really would like to do a wine tasting.  I am not an alcoholic but drinking is SO bad for me when I am alone, sad, depressed scared and throwing back whiskey.

Then before I could stop myself I hit "send."  And I waited but with a sense of calm.  It was deep already, and he'd already said way scary shit so what more could possibly happen, right?

His next email floored me.  Total change in energy.  You want to talk about orchestrated from above?He wrote, "THIS!  Thank you for writing this!  Honesty!  Honesty is all I ask for or want from a woman in a relationship.  It means everything to me, so much more than sexual attraction."

And then from there it shifted.  He stopped being so antagonistic, and I feel like I finally PASSED a major test from Spirit.  I was brave enough to share my truth with him, and going forward I have to be very careful to be an open book.  When we lie out of fear of being judged by them then they have to pull back from us.  They WILL pull back.  We can wear no masks with our twin souls.  None.  No skirting truth.  No little white lies.  No polishing ourselves us to be more shiny and new- no no no. He once asked me if I slept around after my divorce and I told him no, blatant lie.  I was embarrassed.

Then he said he wanted to ask me three questions and I could ask him too.  He started with questioning me again about whether or not I'd been with anyone, and I knew I was totally being told that it was important that I stay single.  We are meant to be together, with no one else.  This is obvious.  He softened.  Where before he was telling me "You need to get laid and quit holding out for me" now he was saying, "I know you already told me this but tell me again.  I like your honesty."And he wanted to know the last guy I turned down, lol.  This tells me he thinks I am highly desirable and like all men want me- too funny.  I was real.  I told him I refused to settle for less or share my body with someone when I am in love with him.  Bottom line.

And he asked me about my son for the first time ever.  Odd that I did not pick that up until now.  He asked me how I am raising my son, and I giving him any science- did he rub off on me and now I am teaching my son science.  And he asked me what kind of sports I have him in.

And then it was super duper dinosaur late {a kid thing} I told him I had to go to bed.  And he poked me a bit more by telling me he's coming home soon but wants to meet as friends... and lick me and taste me and some other things I won't write here but basically give me what I have been missing since he left.  And he ended that with "love you!"

I told him I am always his friend, and I love him too, and he relied and said he wished I was cuddled up in his arms.  And I told him I wished the same and asked him to kiss me in my dreams, and he said he wished and... it ended sweetly.

Which is a fucking MIRACLE do you understand me?  Only DIVINE INTERVENTION is at work here because we have crashed a few times and now it is back to him calling me "love."

Tee hee. 

So what have I learned about all this?  It can be whatever I want it to be.  If I want fear then I will get fear.  If I want it to be love, belief, faith and totally trusting in him and defending his love- then I can get that.  YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.  More on that in a different post.

Yesterday I had a challenged day.  I had to keep pulling myself back out of fear.  Night came and I had not heard from him so I whipped out my journal and started writing love.  And then I emailed him something short and sweet but from my heart.  And him immediately responded and said, "Hi love."  He called me "love."  And he told me he was in Reno "gambling his ass off" {and that goes way back for us if any of you have read my whole blog} and he said "Just kidding- I'm never going to let you live that down."  He told me he was traveling but wanted to say hello so I did not think he was "ignoring" me.  Do you realize I have NEVER used that word with him before?  I have never once said, "Why do you ignore me?"  Nope- but he made sure to let me know that he was not ignoring me.

I was on cloud nine.  It means I am doing things right.  It means that I am creating a relationship not only with the walking male body of my love, my Joron.  No- I am creating a relationship with a SOUL- my twin soul.  Do you understand this?  HE is "only" the body which houses the energy.  I am learning to love the ENERGY.  Joron... the way he behaves towards me depends on soul.  SOUL. Soul powers that man like... 85%.  I am seeing it now.  But I am in love with all of him.  Body, mind and soul.

And body.  Oh GOD I so want that body.  And that unique mind, gah,  He is fucking brilliant.  But... when I email with him I am emailing SOUL first.  And damn that just came to me.  Woah.  And I am going to work my ass off on continuing this upward ascension because I do not care WHAT it is that powers him or is communicating with me- I want that dear sweet soulful boyfriend back, totally.  Yes it may take patience.  But he is every love song to me.  He is my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, my everything.  I would go to the ends of the earth for him, just like I would my own son.  So I will be patient and utterly caring.  Soft, gentle, and kind in thought, word, deed and intention.

He is my future husband so I am holding him close to my heart until he is back with me.  And that's my truth.  Bottom line.  Spirit has showed me that this can happen, and I am not backing down now.

I've made a few changes that I want to note but I will do so in another post.  Just know that when you are communicating with your twin soul it is not just your twin.  It is also your Higher Self.  Never forget that.  It is much more than just having a conversation with someone you love and want back in your life.  Every time you reconnect it is an opportunity for you to overcome fear, make wise choices, be totally honest, and do any inner work that needs to be done.  Ascend beyond 3D and believe.

We truly are soul having a human experience.