More on Soul, Manifestation, Free Will... and Love

This is a very different situation.  I am not sure how common my twin soul union is.  I do know a friend of mine, the one from Wales, seems to be going through something very similar.  One thing we have found is it seems we are supposed to be heavily manifesting in our unions.  Meaning instead of constantly reaching out in 3D, emailing or texting, we are supposed to be using intention to shift the energy and make it to reunion.

I don't think many can get to that point until a lot of life changes and healing comes into play because who really believes in manifestation when she is suffering or has addictive behaviors, etc.?  If I was dating another man, engrossed in another relationship full of love, life, good sex, going out, etc. then I'd have NO time available for going inner and doing any manifestation work.  So seeing as my twin soul and I are supposed to be together- I'd never get there if I was in another relationship because I would never be working to write to my twin's soul or write in my journal, doing any reaffirming, etc. If I was distracting somehow, especially with a new man, then I'd feel guilty to be doing any of this. So for me, in my union, it is essential that I stay single and do this work.  I want to be with my twin soul, and for me just sitting back and working on my energy is not going to do it. I have to consciously somehow manifest this man back to me.

But that may be MY journey.  Not everyone else's journey although it seems to be similar for my friend Louise.  God brings people together who have commonalities though so I am not surprised. Maybe for some other people they only need to raise their energy and then the twin comes back.  I do not think that is the case for me.  For me I am expected to TALK to my twin's soul, to believe in 5D fully, to choose to use energy to speak to my twin instead of only wanting to hear from him in 3D. Not that 3D communication is bad but I have to manifest.  It's my path.  And when I do not do this then he stays entirely quiet.

Any time Joron and I reconnected before was because I was feeling loving specifically about him. Believing.  Writing about him from love not fear.  No doubt.  My tired heart would calm and I would find a moment to seek solace in God, in faith, and I'd land on manifesting belief and he'd come back. But then I'd FREAK the fuck out once we connected- worrying about whether or not I'd hear back from him again, and the more I worried the quieter he stayed and the quieter he stayed the more I worried until he'd slip off again.

Now I see that pattern and I am trying to avoid it.  But I know something now.  Joron is a man, yes. He is flesh and blood- I know because I ravished that flesh and blood for a few delicious weeks and it was blissful, gah.  He is all man.  But he also has an exceedingly strong soul and I fell in love with his soul first.  Absolutely.  His soul communicated with me more than his manhood did *snort*  This is very  hard for me to explain but I feel like when Joron emails me I am talking to soul instead of a man.  The entity known as Joron knows all about me, and it must be a twin soul thing.  I'll assume he is not this way in all of his relationships but is with me since he is my twin soul.  When he talks with me he is all-knowing, like omniscient.  It is as if I am talking to God when we communicate.  God mixed with Joron's personality but they work together to push all of my buttons.  Every. Single. One. If there is anything in here I have worried about that need to come to light then BAM he mentions it in some context,  Or maybe I have bitched about something- that may come up.  It is eerie and uncanny and cannot be explained, and it is constant with him, between us.  Constant.

And the love?  It is no different.  It is all-knowing too.  Now I understand the look he'd give me when I wanted him soooo badly, making out for hours, and he'd not make any advances towards me.  His soul knew that I needed some TLC first.  Respect.  Care.  Kisses and hugs.  His inner knew it and he waited for me but I'd look at him and the look in his eyes was like he just KNEW me.  And it freaked me out because I didn't understand it.

I was in love with a spirit and I didn't even know it.  It is a strong spirit that resides inside the body of my love, and it fuels him strongly.  And now that we are in the separation phase that spirit is responsible for assisting in changing me.  It is our soul contract.  My thought is I am supposed to be a Creator, a Manifestor, and he is forcing me to manifest.  Strange strange things happen between us Dear Reader.  If I send him a message and he "ignores" me- don't think he is overlooking the info in the email.  Oh no.  His soul is all-knowing, and his soul communicates with me through him all the time.

Free will.  I don't know what to say.  I read something the other day about free will that really made a lot of sense to me.  This article is written by Veronica which is a group of spirits channeled by April Crawford.  "Veronica" is speaking of shifting the energy on earth.

"Now that the planet's energy is dangerously askew we implore all souls incarnate to bring that omnipotent energy where it belongs, to the internal thought process by which all of you create reality (i.e. free will). Your current linear is salvageable, however, the declaration of concentrated thought must be reclaimed so that the balance of energy can be regained.  Free will is the claiming of the thought process that saves... so to speak... everything."

So here she refers to free will more as an energetic choice, not a 3D choice, and that makes more sense to me.  It is choice made my the SOUL not the human being.  That really resonates with me. We all scream about "free will."  That we are HUMAN and have choices we can make.  Yes we do but free will, in my experience, is a choice made by soul not by the human housing the soul. So between Joron and I his soul uses free will to choose to put me through all of this because, well, I guess I asked for it somewhere before we came to earth, lol.  Yippee!

Anyway- that version of free will clears up a lot for me, and it quits a lot of the thrashing about. There is no way for me to escape this.  His soul and I are completely linked at all times.  When I speak to Joron, or email with him, he, the man, does not realize that his thoughts are totally powered by his soul.  How do I know this?  Because he knows all these things about me that he should not know, and he pushed all my fear buttons, and he taunts me when he should not know what to POKE me about because there are things I've kept hidden from him, and it can only be known through soul.

So the idea that we share a soul makes sense to me because what I know he knows.  Either we share the same soul or else our souls are entirely linked and how everything the other is thinking- except I am over here working to believe and he is totally unconscious to what is happening, and his body- those glorious hands- are used to write me messages that make me shake my head.  For hours.

For example.  I've had this thought about the fact that he lives in wine country yet I stopped drinking. Part of me knows he loves me with no conditions and another part of me has thought, "What if he does not want me?"  Months back I poured my heart out to him about this soul connection, in depth.  It was enough to scare any man away forever.  I also told him about my drinking.  I told an Atheist that God was using him to help heal me from 2100 miles away, that he was reading my mind, soul was talking to him, etc.  I just laid it all out there and he did not comment,  At all.  But later he kept writing to me that he was coming home and wanted to "meet for a drink" and I knew I was being poked for some reason.

Sometimes I wonder if he ever reads what I send him.  The other night was shocking to me.  He was poking the shit out of me about the drinking.  Really pushing my limits on what I can take, what I can stand up to, how much fear I can choose to overcome- and how hard I will fight to own TRUTH that this man loves me but I am being tested.  Big time.  But what I noticed is he kept almost slyly referencing those old messages, the ones where I explained our soul connection, the messages he'd never even made any comment on.  He said, "I remember those messages and you told me you had a drinking problem."  This tells me that ALL along he's known about those messages and he remembers them.  Yet he's still poked me about going out for a drink.  And this time he really called me out and made me stand up for my truth in the face of fearing I could be majorly rejected by him.  He kept saying, "Hey lame-o the no-drinking thing is a total deal breaker for me {meaning he won't want to be with me or date me or marry me} because I live in fucking wine country and I want a woman I can do wine pairings with because all we do out here is drink but you'd better be honest with me so tell me- are you an alcoholic?"  This coming from a man so little that three beers knocks him on his butt.  This all coming from the sweetest heart I've ever met.  Right.

Totally Spirit.  I spend hours emailing with his soul, lol.  But I love his soul, and I miss it.

But when in the thick of it is seems like a rock and a hard place, no?  I did not even want to lie though.  I was confident that I was being tested, majorly, and I told him I know he loves me unconditionally, and I answered honestly and then BAM he shifted and thanked me for being honest.

And then I finally breathed, lol.

But it also means he read everything about the soul connection.  And God.  And all the rest.  And none of it matters.  None of it.  Do you realize I could tell this man to go fuck himself and the horse he rode in on, and to go soak his head, and to... you get the picture and really it would make NO difference in the end?  There really is nothing that could wreck this connection because it is all soul. It can lag though; separation can last for a long time depending on what we are willing to believe.  I talk to his soul when we email, and when he shifts back into love, here is the kicker, it will STILL be his soul.  He is his soul, and he plays whatever role he needs to at the moment.  He softens when I fight through fear.  He retreats when I fall into fear.  He stays silent when I reach out via email hoping for a response but I've done nothing inner to shift my own energy.  When I fear that he is what he shows me then he either stays quiet or he gives me more of the same, and to be perfectly honest with you "more of the same" means he comes off as an egotistical dickhead and that is NOT the man I dated.  At all.  It is a man who is the epitome of my fears, a man who could walk away from me and my son without a second glance- that would be very dickish would it not?  So he becomes that.  And it was all created by moi.  Baseline though is a deep wonderful soul love between the two of us.  He is home to me.

So now I must de-create any fear I have created.  And I must do this by speaking to his soul.  I took a risk this weekend.  I wrote out all my truth to him, via email.  I did so only because he kept pushing honesty.  So I wrote him what I know about how he feels about me, and I wrote some things about my own life.  I am still a bit torn over whether or not I was supposed to do this but it is done and it was done with good intentions.  See I don't care WHAT it is I speak to- I love it.  I love him.  I fell in love with him and his glorious heart and soul when we met, and I want "him" back.  But I needed to show that I am not afraid, and that I know what truth is.

He wrote a couple days ago and told me he was traveling all weekend, and that he was not "ignoring" me.  I take that now as some advice from above to relax and not freak out.  So I am working super duper dinosaur hard to be patient and of faith knowing this man will contact me again when the time is right, and to realize this is not a dating relationship right now but a partnership between two souls housed inside human vehicles.  He is waiting for me to create this, and it can only be done with no doubts at all, and I've had to face shit that I did not even realize was here, lol.  I don't even know what to call it.  He is my 110% reflection.  Any little shit I have in my head can come through him.  I get pissy sometimes and say, "I deserve to be loved now!  I deserve love!" and I say it as I want it now.  Right now.  And I wonder if this is why he told me he can't believe I've been holding out for him and I need to go get laid.  He said, "You need to go find some NWI man to sweet talk you and give you the love you deserve."  And I can't be sure if it's poking me from my own words.  It could be, throwing that energy back into my face.  I don't want anyone else's love besides his, and I will wait for it, work for it.

And the comment about the bottoms of my feet being dirty!  I keep wondering about that because it is so odd, and don't think it is true, lol.  It had to have been from Spirit too because Joron wouldn't be that picky about me.  But see I guess I still worry, maybe, that I don't keep my house perfect enough.  I hate housecleaning.  I keep a neat house most of the time because I do not like a bunch of clutter {at all} but I hate housecleaning. I am wondering if yet again I was getting my worries about my house being dirty put in my face.  All I can say to that is my house is warm, comfy, safe, inviting, colorful and a blessing.  I am thankful for it, and every time Joron came over my home was neat and comfortable.  Clean.  We had to stop here unplanned and it was neat even then, and he saw that.  My son loves this home, and he has ample room to play with tons of toys.  This home offers him a very stress-free childhood, so dirty feet or not I am happy how I am, even if my floors are covered with trains and toys and God only knows what else, lol.  Fuck it- I am a single mother working full-time and going through a twin soul separation.  Need I say more?

I look forward to when I hear from him again.  At the same time I am seeing this as more of a process than "When am I going to hear from him again?!  Is he going to stay this time?"  I canNOT freak out. I have to stay calm.  To do so I am staying positive and REALLY believing in the soul connection. Only LOVE.  Light.  And I do believe I will hear from him soon.  I know it because I am staying balanced and in love.

And I'm doing a heck of a lot of writing, lol.  I write to his soul on and off all day.  I know he hears me.  We have a direct connection, and one day "all" of him will be here to see me again,  I know this.  And it could be soon.  I have no direct channeling right now so I am left with signs and songs and messages from Joron, and all the previous guidance I was given which was basically to defend his love, love him and believe in his love for me.  These are all the things I am consciously doing, stripping away more and more of my walls.

I am blessed to have heard from him because I was, well, wondering.  Blind faith can be a little terrifying sometimes!!!  But all the signs.  "My Kiss Is on Your List" being played three times in a month when I have not heard it before since he left.  That is no coincidence.  No way.  It is Spirit telling me- you ARE doing this.

I went to a party last night where everyone was walking around with these huge glasses of yummy wine.  And I had a bottle of water, lol.  And I was okay with that.  I gave a little "cheers" to my twin for helping me maintain my sobriety by pushing the shit out of me, lol.  I feel like I am in love with a soul.  It's a little supernatural. I do look forward to hearing from all of him soon, my Beloved, I do adore him, even in the face of all this.  He called me "love" and I, well, love that.  I am his love.

I can only imagine how utterly satisfying it will be to be in a relationship with a man I have fought this hard for, believed in, and held out for- same for him with me.  He is holding out for me.  He is a man who wants love, affection and relationship and he is staying alone for ME- so no I do not begrudge him going out and doing all those fun things.  He needs it- I don't want him just hanging out alone.  He's gotta live while I work through this.  Totally unfair to be jealous of his fun while I KNOW he is staying celibate and alone... for me.  No- I am thankful for it.

I am so so so strong.  Like super duper dinosaur strong.  Super Hero strong, and my super power is Love.  Yep.  My super power is Love.