"I Appreciate You"

Yesterday when I posted it was accidentally my 111th post made on 11-11.  I find that interesting ;)

As I look back on sentiment offered to me from my Joron I notice that he was quick to tell me "I appreciate you" both before and after we separated.  As my mirror, the times when we would reconnect based on him reflecting truth and love back to me, he would at those times go back to being his real loving amazingly sweet self.  We'd talk for hours on the phone and then text and he'd write "I appreciate you."  Before when we were dating he'd also slip into an email, while telling me what a wonderful girlfriend I am, "I really appreciate you."

Damn.

I have a bookshelf and on the top shelf I have all the gifts Joron gave me plus some treasures that remind me of him.  Last night my just turned five years-old son {who I am very close with} looked at my shelf and said to me, "Mommy you want to live with Joron.  You want to live with Joron."  It was said in this manner of "I know you want this mom.  I know you do."  I agreed that yes I do want to live with Joron.  Then he said, "You can write about him mom!"  I looked at my psychic son and said, "Why would I write about him buddy?"  His response was, "Because you love him."

My child often shocks me with how Spirit works right through him.  I asked him how he knew I should write about Joron and he said "Joron told me."

The day before we were looking at a magazine together that has a bunch of scientific stuff for kids; he was circling Christmas gifts he might want.  There was a gem kit and my son looked at it and said, "We should get that for Joron.  He likes science stuff.  He loves rocks."  Well of course this is true; my sweet twin is a Geologist.  I asked him how he knows this and he said, "Because he told me."  I asked him when Joron told him this and he said, "When we fed the baby alligators together.  Can we do that again soon mom?"

And then my heart broke.  "Mom call Joron okay?  Call him right now so I can say hi.  I miss him" is what he said next.  Ugh- so so so hard.  THEN he looked at a telescope on the page and said, "Joron has a BIGGGG telescope mom."  And this is also true.  He does have a telescope although I don't know how big it is, lol.  The only thing I can think is Spirit is definitely talking through my son to get my attention.

It really is inescapable for me- and I can't help but be hopelessly in love with this man.  Hopelessly meaning there is no hope for me ever *not* loving him.  He will always be a part of me.  Like that song, "Always Something There to Remind Me."

Unconditional love.  Love with no conditions or expectations.  I do *hope* to be with him one day, as a couple.  Of course I do- he's perfect for me, my other half.  Of course my soul longs to be reunited with him... why do you think my soul is working so hard to get me there?   Even so- if in the end the results were to turn out differently than I dream about- I'd still love him to the ends of the universe and back which means eternally and without end, my love only growing larger each day.  My love and adoration of him is not based on whether or not we end up together.  Again I pray every day that we end up sharing a life together but that is because I am in love with him and want him as my other half.  That half who keeps me warm at night.  My rock.

My twin soul has a beautiful face.  He glows.  His smile is electrifying.  He is Light.  Is he the most beautiful man in the world?  Yes- to me he is.  Not only is he attractive, which he is, but his dear heart and kind soul are shown on his face with his mirthful grin and glittering happy eyes.  I loved kissing his face, caressing his cheek, running my hands over his hair, down his back, squeezing his arms and feeling myself being enfolded tighter and tighter in his warm safe embrace.  As I reflect on us I realize how important my security and comfort was to him; he protected me and my emotions at all times.  Ensuring that he didn't offend me and that I felt respected by him was important to Joron and he let me know this in how gently he touched me, kissed me, didn't push me any further than fully-clothed making out on the couch {I don't think he even grazed a boob except maybe by accident} and consistently reassured me that while he found me highly attractive he was also interested in my mind, my heart and my company.  He told me these reassuring words more than once, always letting me know of his love and appreciation.  This is our truth.
  

A lot of twin soul "bullshit" out there says twin souls are not meant to be together in the end, and I think that is horse shit.  Instead what it means is the road to clearing out ego and holding on to belief in oneself and the goodness of another person is tantamount to the steps needed to make it to reunion.  No fear, no resentment, no disbelief.  Only love.  ONLY. LOVE.  And because many humans cannot make it to that place- many twins are not reuniting.  But to tell us that we are not really "meant" to be together in the end is ridiculous.  Of course we are.  To harp over and over about "It's not about relationship!" gets a little old after a while.  Again no twin souls are not only about dinners out and dates and getting flowers- it's SO much more than that: the healing, the ego-death, the increased belief, and the having to look past and see through the mirroring, not blaming the other twin for what he is reflecting, being kind to oneself in the process too.  But don't tell me the relationship between two people who have previously heavily and strongly loved one another is NOT of importance, that reuniting and becoming one with the other, generating that uniquely strong twin soul love together, is not... the goal.  It is the ultimate goal when twins meet on earth.  The whole "Not meant to be together" is just an excuse to smooth out fear associated with not making it to reunion.  I won't fall prey to that fear.  I will say up front if I were not to make it to reunion it would be on me not on the journey of the twin soul.  I do not believe that meeting a twin and being separated is meant to force us to be alone forever- two are better than one in most regard.  Maybe some people have chosen to be alone this lifetime but most people are made to pair-bond.  It's the way we are made and twin souls are the ultimate reflection of this- perfect love coming together in the end, a united pair, two who become one.  There is all this talk about a combined mission, like we are all going to turn into twin soul super heroes and "save the world" by becoming shamans and writing best sellers and guiding the masses... and while I think for some this can be done, on a more realistic level I think LOVE can save the world and this is what reunited twin souls create: A HUGE LOVE.   I think the "mission" is stepping up to the plate, listening to our divine guidance, allowing the healing to take place, and holding on to the love for our twin in the process.  Unconditional love is NOT always easy to achieve- but it is MISSION.  To create a new template for love that overlooks differences and believes enough in twin souls to understand that sometimes they do what they do, even the "bad" hard stuff, in order to hold up that mirror for us.  We cannot blame them or hold it against them.  That means we are not fulfilling our mission in loving no matter what if we resent them or blame them.  Only love.

Nothing can make me feel differently.

This song makes me think of Joron.  I am not "young" at age 41 but I look youngish and I feel pretty darn good.  And I don't go around claiming I am beautiful although Joron has told me hundreds of times how beautiful I am.  Once while on the phone, after we separated but made contact, we had this amazing discussion about taking care of each other when we are old.  He reassured me he'd always be there for me to take care of me but he laughed and told me he did not want me wiping his ass for him, lolol.  This song... how she asks God to let her bring her man to heaven, how beautiful his face is, how amazing he is... this is so us.  And yes- I can answer with a resounding yes that no matter how I age, no matter what I look like, he will always love me.  Just as I am.