And I mean REALLY listening.
Okay so there is a mission and all this. But some of us are out here living seemingly very "normal" lives that are not steeped in spirituality on some lofty high level. What do we need to do? We need to listen to our guidance. OUR GUIDANCE.
This morning I went back and re-read messages from October 2013. Most of them were from me to my friend Madelyn concerning Joron once he moved to CA and then shut off. A LOT happened in a very short time period, and now I can look back at what I was experiencing in a different light. A light that back then I could not see, and for that reason I will not be mad at myself for it taking me getting here to finally begin to see.
I was told all the way back then from my guidance to love Joron. On 10-24-13 when I was told he was my "soul twin" the guidance given to me was to look at his pictures, watch our videos, think of him with love and journal TO him because he will feel all of it.
I blew that off though. I was told to "call out to him with energy" and I didn't pay attention to that either. I've been pushed and prodded and guided and nudged in all different ways to get love out on paper for Joron. I've tried but along the way I doubted and the doubt hurts because it's mirrored back to me through him. My guidance would tell me to "call him" and I just didn't understand why. I knew he was not going to answer the phone. Now I am wondering if I was being told to "call him" through energy but since I chose to ignore the energy portion I was tested.
My guidance will let me flounder around and knock into walls and stumble around blindly the more I don't listen.
So here I am reading back to a year ago realizing I was told the same things then that I am now- just now I can see how it works.
Right now the only thing I can do, only tool I have in my box, is to write about Joron with love. Maybe to him with love but only in my journal. I did this last night. I think I was also being shown that trying to manipulate the situation with writing TO him just was not going to work. I still want to do this now. I WANT to hear from him. But back then I wanted to change his mind, show him my feeling, explain it to him, get him to understand that we were meant for each other, and the more I did this... the more Spirit FUCKED with me.
I am pretty much at an end point here. I stopped drinking, stopped smoking and have no desire for a boyfriend if he's not my twin soul. I managed to pass up temptation, temptation that started as soon as Joron went quiet. I've held on to my love for him and fought against the "monster" shown to me through my mirror. I think the only thing I can do now is love him, strongly, via my mostly-private written "feelings." And I can't use this blog to really do that because it is not what was its intention.
I intended to write this blog to show people WHY we go through this strange dance, this twin soul reunion, separation and silence. And the re-connection only to part again. And again. And how we all face huge utterly soul-shattering disappointments in these unions- but they are all reflections of our doubt, and overcoming them make us stronger people.
My friend and I who are going through this feel that we, the ones who are "kept on" and in the know are the ones responsible for being the manifestors of this union. WE are charged with bringing them closer by believing in them. Maybe they do have their own healing to do. You know my testament about Joron- I cannot find anything wrong with that man. He is healthy, whole, stable, passionate about his causes, a humanitarian, intelligent, great career, wonderful personality, empathetic, good to his family, cleansed of the limitations of religion while owning his own strong moral code, and he is very loving. I am not BLIND. I am very aware and I know my twin soul is a good man. Other twin souls are more like me... they need and/or need healing.
I think, though, that those of us who are "in the know" and very aware of the twin soul concept, it falls on US to be the ones to manifest a reunion. We do this by believing in the love, and by believing in the core goodness of our twins. Somehow doing this "attracts" us back together. Why? I am unsure. Maybe it's because we are fighting for love when others would give up and walk away. Because we are having faith. Because we are showing God that we are choosing to listen, choosing to see what our twins show us and heal- all while holding on to the love even through the darkest moments. That energy of strong love and determination, that belief, it must somehow allow God to bring them back to us, or we attract them back to us. Something. I don't know exactly. I have been shown it is something like this. Beyond this is a moot point anyway. I don't need to know anything more. Just that it is my "mission" to trust in him and love him strongly no matter what, to trust in him and work past the pain he's shown me.
Not many people out there want to get to this place. Not many want to do the work. I remember sharing info like this on SF forum months ago and people told me they were not willing to invest any more energy into it.
Me? I can't give up. I have to know I've given it my all. And giving it my all means I have to write to Joron, about Joron, in my journal or private blog so I can continue to "feel" him with me. This is the only way we are going to reunite.
That said- I won't be making as many blog posts except to maybe pop on to share my love for my twin. I like to write, and to share- but I've just about shared everything I can about what I know concerning this union. Again, I am at a point where this is it: I'm well healed although of course I'll be awakening forever. I'm past the crazed chaotic pain. But there is silence and I am physically not with my twin soul when I really would like to be with him. I am pretty sure it is my charge to know the power of my energy and get the job done.
I hope this means something to some of you. I'd like to reunite with Joron soon, and I'd like to see more twins reunite everywhere. It's what is meant to be.
I love my twin soul :)
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