Joron loves The Beatles. When we first began emailing he asked me my likes and dislikes and listed some of his. He loves The Beatles. Hates turkey, says it's a "dirty bird" lol. Loves his little fluffy white puppy. Loves 80s music. Told me he is empathetic and wrote, "This Atheist donates his time at church soup kitchens" and he donates his time at animal shelters. Now when I hear Beatles music it makes me think of him.
There is one major thing I have not done in this twin soul union that I have been told to do since the moment he shut off to me. That is WRITE about him, or to him, but using my energy and intention instead of my 3D words. I was told that from the very beginning. Told to "Look at his photos, think of him with love and call out to him with energy." But I ignored that advice, Then my guidance would tell me to "call him" and I'd try calling him on the phone and he'd never answer. Now I look back and wonder if I was being nudged- if "call him" meant "Call him with energy."
Back last year when he first "ran" and went quiet was a very chaotic time as I've explained here before. I basically lost my mind. And I was tested dearly. I don't think I was listening, and still I am not totally listening.
Today I decided I wanted to explain something to my Beloved so I wrote out a long email. I hit send and it ran and ran and ran but did not send. It was stuck on "sending" so I attempted to cancel the transmission by turning off my ipad. I don't think it ever sent. It disappeared. It is not in my draft folder and it is not in my sent folder. I know I am not supposed to worry about 3D right now, and my GOD is that hard! I want to write to him and get him to answer. I want to get back together, be boyfriend and girlfriend again.
And I can want that until the cows come home and it does not mean I am going to get it by sitting here fearing and running. I am the runner. Our energy took a huge hit back in June... and he kept trying and trying to come back to me. But my fear energy reached out to him and he mirrored that shit back to me HARD and it has not been the same since. I can turn away now, dismiss it all out of the fear that it's... well, I won't even go there. Or I can *really* give it my best shot energetically to open the line of communication between us again. To do so means I have to do a few things. I have to BELIEVE. And trust both Higher Self and Joron. I have to trust that this is all true, that he is channeling, and I gotta stop fearing him. I also have to commit to writing about him, our love, every day so I do not forget. I forget easily. When I forget who he WAS I then only feel this nasty energy that's been shown to me. I am still trying to figure out what is being shown to me with his "It's only attraction" messages. They get worse the more I resist writing about our love and believing in him so the only thing I can comprehend is that, yes, when I don't put my energy where the love is then I am shown his attraction with no love. It is a strange thing, this mirroring. I hate being objectified. I do like his desire though- but I hate the desire when it's lacking love. And that is exactly what I am taunted with when I don't believe in his love.
But it is a step beyond that. I am seemingly supposed to not only believe in his love but really concentrate on it. As you can see from my last blog post about my first soul mate and my terror over whether or not he loved me... believing I am loved has been an issue for me. My HS tells me I ignore love. And when I ignore love, ignore the love someone has for me. then I am shown that. And I have to find a way to shift it because it sucks my ass totally. I heartily dislike it. I miss my sweet loving kind twin soul.
So. So. So. I really need to stop writing about my "experience" and instead write about our dreams. The love we shared. I can not be frightened of bringing to the forefront of my mind, and my blog, the dreams we discussed. In a short amount of time I met a perfect man. We fell madly in love. He told me many times "Maybe we will wake to each others kisses forever." And then we heavily discussed marriage. And then he asked me, "Are you going to look me in the eyes when we exchange our vows on our wedding day?" "Sushi at our wedding." He wants a beach wedding. Simple. Sushi. I can see it all in my mind, and I have to get past my fears. FEAR blocks and kills a destiny. Seriously. I can no longer live like this. Yes I know he is not currently in my life but I cannot escape this shit.
The only way I can get past this is to do what I do best and that is write. Shit I've been guided to "write about the kisses" for months. To mother the love. To log the happiness. And if I have to write about this stuff over and over every day then do be it. Honestly it is all I can think that could help this blockage, and it is a blockage. And I can tell you this- if I were to wash my hands of it, turn to other stuff like... even writing a novel or making jewelry or work or mothering my son but did NOT do something to "feel" Joron's love then we will not reunite. There is something about me concentrating on feeling him again with total love and appreciation... TRUTH, that is the key here.
And resisting it won't help. This is why back months ago, like in January/February when I was fearing I was told to make jewelry but to listen to good music and look at his pictures, talk to him in my head and "feel" him again. For real. The real him. LOL- my HS told me, "Just do it Rose! This once just listen to me. Don't drink. Just do as I tell you. Talk to him in your heart." So I did. I opened up this amazingly adorable photo of him that I took on our perfect date in the city. He was leaning back near the river {not too near because he is afraid of heights, my cute little twin} with this sweet smile on his face. It is a great memory of one of the most perfect nights of my life. I looked at that picture, listened to music that reminded me of him, and I was told to send him a quick email. I did and he responded so openly, said he wished he was with me, sitting on my couch talking and kissing. Listen- it was total telepathy, soul communication. I listened to my HS and then he reached out to me, inspired by his soul. This entire union is controlled by HS. Sometimes if I "get it right" then he was allowed to show me his love again. And what a strong adorable love it is.
I love those times during our separation when I managed to get the energy right. He'd pop through with this insatiable desire to connect with me. I dream about the day when I finally get it right and he turns back on entirely. When we are ready to begin reunion; I know that day will happen. Despite my fears I feel it in my veins, in my very breath. That man, in my heart, is my one and only. The only way there is another man out there for me is if there is an energy inside Joron that will jump from him to another man who is utter perfection for me. I find that hard to believe and I don't even like to talk about it, but reality is I do NOT totally know what my future holds, and if by some slim chance there is some other gem out there meant for me then I do not want to block that with my stubborn love and appreciation for my twin soul. Jenna Forrest says we are to love these people as if they are, for sure, the one and only twin soul. My destiny. If for some reason he turns out to NOT be that one then loving him like I do, totally unconditionally, will lead the right one to me. I am not worried about that at all though. I know love will be in my life. It is right now although I can't see it or touch it. I can feel it, and I remember it.
His love has truly helped to heal me. I am a changed woman for knowing Joron. Last night I was tempted to drink but I dumped it instead of turning to a vice. I don't want to be that person any longer. I am beyond that. My energy is worth more. Same with accepting a lesser love. Not going to happen.
One day he will come back through. I will find a way to shift this, to totally believe in love. I am so loveable. If I was a man I would want to date me! I'd love to date me.
I did date me, lol. I dated Joron, and he is just like me. Dating him was really like dating myself. It was the strangest experience yet wonderful. He loves like I do. And if I was told by Spirit to say something totally cruel and unloving to him in order to wake him up then I would do it. Sadly since I am a conscious channel and he is an unconscious one. I know when I am sending him words from above. He does not know. So weird but true. If I had to, though, I would- and I'd hope he would forgive me. And he has in the past.
I just have to ascend past the fear. That is all. This means believing Joron's words when he has written "I love you my future."
My future.
He wrote that as recently as August. I have to believe. When I do not then I am like George McFly turning away from his love when he finds her in the car with Biff on prom night. Expecting Marty McFly George turns away from his Destiny and things began to fade and become lost... his whole future fading away. It is not until he turns back and saves his love that his future returns.
I refuse to turn from my future. I will see my Destiny fulfilled.
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