Wine, Couples & Bridget Jones

Last night was my first real social occasion where everyone else was drinking but I chose to order a cup of decaf.  With lots of cream and sugar.  Lotttsssss... I really wanted a glass of wine.  I ain't gonna lie.  And they were *really* big glasses too.  But nope.  I absolutely would not even dare take a drink.  Not after all that has happened to me.  I want to thank my Higher Will and Joron for helping me, finally, be able to make the decision to "just say no" to alcohol.

On the drive home it felt really good to not be one bit tipsy.  To know I didn't spend an extra ten bucks on a stupid glass of wine {when my meal alone was almost $40.00.}  It felt like the start of something new, and that felt good.

Another thing about the dinner party last night... it felt like it was right from a scene of "Bridget Jones' Diary."  The dinner party scene with all the marrieds and poor single Bridget.

There actually was one other single woman there, not just me.  But everyone else was coupled- and it hurt.  Not gonna lie about that either.  I am really ready to have Joron with me, in my life, as my other half.  Again- save me the "twin soul is about mission" lecture.  I've paid my fucking dues.  I love him no matter what.  I know this is not all about... well, dinner parties, and is about healing but after the healing, and after holding on to the love, one day he will be by my side.  We will sit together, next to each other, and I will feel him up under the table.

And he'll love every minute of it, lol.

Last night though, it was bittersweet.  I chose not to drink.  I was there alone.  I'm tired of doing couple's stuff alone.  Normally I have my son, and as he likes to tell me "Mom you are not alone because you have me with you!" and this is very very true; my son helps me keep my sanity when the loneliness wants to overtake me.  I don't really get "lonely" any longer.  Instead I want my Joron back.  That's kind of the bottom line.  I'm not lonely and in need of male company.  I want Joron.  Only Joron.  Nothing less than him.  Only my perfection.

Ironically- Bridget journals too... it's one of my favorite movies of all time.

 
Sometime soon I'm too gonna be sitting on the couch next to my love while I write in my journal- thanking God on the pages for bringing us together again.  I'll be looking at him with total adoration just like she is looking at Mark Darcy here- except Joron does it for me even more than the totally sexy Colin Firth

'Till then- I'll be like Bridge... minus the booze, lol.

Oh and this one, just because it makes me :)