I'm re-reading Jenna Forrest's channeled book of twin soul guidance. It's one of the only things out there that makes good sense to me. Golden Ray twin souls... I like them but there are things that do not resonate with me. I spoke with Mel once and while he was super sweet he said a few things to me that did not feel like truth. I had recently reconnected with Joron and then allowed my energy to shut him down again. I knew this- I saw it and I was told it from above. But when I spoke with Mel he clearly said, "Oh he's just a runner. He can't handle the energy so he ran," and I knew this was not true. Completely. Now some of the other things he told me made sense but I knew all the rest already. I was very concerned though when he told me Joron was "just a runner." For those out there who do not have the strong guidance I do- this would be very confusing and disconcerting. It places all the blame on the "running" twin when *I* clearly could see how he was mirroring my frantic, worried, fearful and doubtful energy.
That said- I like Jenna's guidance. It sounds very similar to mine and makes a lot of sense to me. What I realize as I read it again is I am through a lot of "stages" already. When Joron stopped communicating with me October 2013 I did "chase" for about 10 days. For a weekend I contacted him constantly but it was SO eerie and weird that I slowed down quickly; it was unreal to me. I'd reach out here or there to no avail and then finally I kinda caved and started listening to my guidance tell me it was an orchestrated "shut off" and he would not come back, not then. *sigh*
I think it was the time I dolled myself up and sent him some super sexy videos and got literally next to no reaction out of him that I KNEW, lol, no amount of "feminine wiles" would work, just like Spirit was telling me. That was my first mini-surrender. I threw my hands up in the air and tried to realize nothing I could say or write TO HIM would make a difference. It was only by trial and error that I found my energy made the most difference. Spirit ensured I saw the process.
I sit here now wondering why my guidance keeps telling me to write about the love and kisses when constantly I read that a twin soul union is NOT ABOUT THE ROMANCE. Well I think this means the "easy" romance, the expectant romance like flowers and wanting someone to be at our beck and call. 3D romance. In my case with Joron it is pure LOVE. Love from 2100 miles away to where when he told me he had made the decision to move I told myself "You will be supportive of his endeavor because you LOVE him. NO selfishness." Hey- I tried, lol! My love for him is not all dreaming about dining and dancing {although I would like this too} but I know we are meant to work through all of this and love each other no matter what, overcome challenges as a testament to what Love can overcome. I don't care that he is Atheist and I am a strong Believer... if anything our opposition has always totally been a turn on for me. His passion makes me melt, lol, all over. It is not a love where he has to act a certain way or shower me with love and affection in order for me to LOVE him, quite obviously. Not long ago the dude sent me a message that would make most people run off for good. I did not. I looked UP at the sky and proclaimed my disbelief and tried to understand the "underneath" hidden message beneath his channeled words.
And I still loved him afterwards, even when he told me he was going to see me and then never said hello again. It is reasons like this, holding on to love when it's very difficult to do so, that let's me know my feelings for him are way beyond getting flowers on my birthday. LOL- he actually did not even say "happy birthday" even though it was the anniversary of our first date, a very memorable and poignant experience. I had to work hard to overcome my disappointment in this and realize it's for a bigger purpose. Never once did I stop and think "Well if he's going to be this way then I am not going to bother." I think that is being respectful and in belief of a twin soul union, loving when it's so much more than gifts and sweet words or all those other things we come to expect in a "love" relationship.
Right about now I'd love just to hear from him in all honesty. The REAL him.
As I look back I can see where Joron was channeling even while we were together, and often via email like the time he went on and on about whether or not we'd be together, loving each other, in heaven for eternity. That was absolutely Spirit speaking through him. Other times he just came off as sweet but a little odd and I would not understand why but now I do. He channels constantly. So I ask myself: who is the REAL Joron? Is it truly my Higher Self's way of showing me love, by channeling it through this man whose heart and soul adores me but also has to help heal me? Does it even matter? Those kisses were real. Sitting on my couch for hours and hours just holding hands, breathing each other in and kisssssssiiinnnngggg deeply: that was truth.
We love our children but we will discipline them if they need it, even if it hurts. My son is only five years old so I have yet to keep something from him that will hurt as a form of discipline. But I know in the future this may happen because I do not discipline him physically- right now in order to show him the right way, or to show him when he needs some gentle correction, he gets sent to his room or else, yes, I've not allowed the traditional cookie at cuddle time before bed. I think it is the same way in my situation with Joron. Spirit has had to show me the way through letting me experience the mirroring 110%. Yet at the end of the day I see Joron as a man who loves me dearly but who is also a walking channel for me. Why? I guess because he is MY twin soul so it's just like that between us. I doubt he does it with everyone he encounters but he definitely is a unique individual. A free-thinker, open-minded and clear. This is why he channels so clearly without even realizing it.
Even though I am made to correct my own energy by having it thrust in my face through the mirroring- I rarely feel resentment towards Joron for being the mirror. Once in a while I do, especially when I DO NOT WRITE out my feelings. And I think that's key. If I flip flop internally, even if I don't say a word TO him, then the energy of doubt is still out there. But overall I have come to a place where I know it is not his intention to hurt me; he is being my helper. Most days I can take this as fact and love him no matter what. I don't ever wonder what his problem is, ever. It's useless to do so because I saw how strong, healthy and whole he was when we dated.
I think because I don't dwell on "Why is he doing this to me?" and the fact that I can actually see what is happening and accept it means that I am far through the steps. I don't pay much attention to labels or steps but Jenna's guidance says when passing into Radiance from Surrender it is time to enjoy life, travel, be child-like, and I just did this in going to Disney World with my son. I also have stopped any deep communication with people who challenge me... it's not important to me to prove myself to them. I gravitate to those who love me as I am. I am trying to put my energy where it needs to be. I refuse to express and discuss the situation, dissect it with people who only challenge me and try to shove 3D bullshit down my throat. I am protecting myself.
That said, I think the reason why my guidance tells me to please concentrate on the love and kisses is because it's not "attachment" I feel for Joron. It is love. Yes I would like marriage and family with him but I am not stalking him or trying to convince him how wonderful I am. Once in a while I will pour my heart and love out to him but... I get no response at this time so it's few and far between. I'm not "dying" over him but I do have my dreams, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think because I can separate myself from the longing and pain it's time to concentrate on continually manifesting a new reflection, one only of belief in his love. When I don't concentrate on the love then I don't get it. I swear it's kept from me, quite deliberately.
This is not an accidental process. It is not always the easiest challenge to believe in this new life of "all is not what it seems." I never knew human being could be... used as channels for The Divine like this, and it's taken some time for me to come to grips with it. Most people would never believe it. But since I see it- it should erase ALL negative feelings towards Joron for "walking away from me." And this is what we all struggle with- the feeling, even if it is irrational like it is in my experience, of being rejected, abandoned or disregarded. I STILL get little incidents of talking to him not-to-nice in my mind, asking him why, thinking of an email I'd like to send him totally falling into 3D. That thinking is torturous to both of us and will get me nowhere; he feels it and it's counterproductive.
And only writing truth about love, writing constantly, will combat this. This is why some of us are guided to write. Or some are guided to "create" using the love they feel for their twins as their muse- it's to keep that love close and real because this will create that Unconditonal Love that will bring us back together.
Just some random "working some things out" thoughts on a Sunday morning.
Hugs,
"Rosie"
No comments:
Post a Comment