Kisses

Yeah I know I said I would not be blogging for a while but just one thought.

Kisses.  Sweet kisses.

I always write on here that I "want to talk to James again."  Well I do want to talk to James.  I'd love to get a text or email or call from him and it be back to normal.  Just love and goodness like before.  He is very sweet and his words are cute and loving and kind.

But more than talking to him- I want to kiss him.  I'd much rather KISS him that sit around talking.  I'd much rather have him in my arms KISSING him than emailing or texting or even talking on the phone.  I want to kiss him.  I miss our kisses.  When we were together all we did was kiss.  Talking was for when we were apart.  Seriously.  We did talk often when we were not physically together {and I miss that a lot.}  We would email or be on the phone a lot.  I wish we could Skype.  I'd love to see his sweet face while talking with him again.

Kissing though, I want to kiss him even more than talking with him.  I really do.  When he was here last and he took me in his arms and kissed me I thought I died and went to heaven.  Or I thought I was possibly dreaming.  Like sleeping and dreaming.  I was not sure if it was really happening. 

Man, when we sat down on my couch he said, "I'm not on my side" and I almost lost it.

His side.  Where he used to sit, to the right of me, because it felt better to kiss that way.  That comment really melted my heart.  I was nervous.  And I was so so so in love, and there he was sitting on my couch in my house!  I still can barely believe it, and it went too quickly.  But he leaned back and with no words he pulled me into his arms and held me for a moment.

Talking.  DUH- I talk too much.  I should not want to "talk" to him.  I should want to KISS him and be with him.  I talked too much.  I should have just shut up and kissed him but I was nervous.  I said something stupid but I won't repeat it here.  Not mean at all but considering our situation it was something I should have just ignored and let go but I repeated it to him, and I regret that now.  I wish I would have just kissed him and kissed him and taken advantage of the fact that my James, my sweet twin who I had been aching for for over two years, was in my house, on my couch, his lips on mind.  And the look on his face was like, "Oh please just be quiet and kiss me and don't say the wrong thing, please."  But he kissed me hard.  Oh I could just cry thinking about it.  He kissed me so hard and it was wonderful to kiss his sweet lips again after far too long apart.  My GOD.

I want to kiss him again.  I do.  I miss his kisses, his sweet sweet kisses.  I want to sit on my couch and kiss for hours.  I could just kiss James for the rest of my life and be happy.  Not much talking.  His smiles and kisses... and well naked kissing too- are all I need.  Words... I don't need a bunch of words.  I KNOW he loves me.  I know this.  I felt it in his touch and his kiss and I saw it in his eyes and yes he did recently even tell me probably because he could sense I was on the edge, badly on the edge.  I appreciate it.  I love him for that.  For doing what he has to.  For sticking with me.  I love him so so much for sticking with me.  Yet I already know he loves me.  He showed me back when we dated and love like that lasts forever.

But my word do I miss him and his wonderful kisses.  James is such a good kisser, so sweet and wonderful.  Passionate and loving.  Really how many forty-year adults do you know who meet and just sit around kissing date after date in an empty house with all the privacy they need to get it on?  I LOVE that he loved simply kissing me.  He was such a gentleman and it is one of the reasons why I can't forget him.  Because of those kisses.  They were not just "foreplay."  Those kisses were EVERYTHING.  Between us our kisses were as good as making love, and then making love was like fabulous.  Just so close and wonderful and perfect, ugh- but the kissing was just as good.  I swear to God.  And he was content to only kiss me.  He looked forward to kissing me.  He was excited to come over JUST to be near me and kiss me, nothing more.  THAT means the world to me but it also means that our kisses were to him too like crack, addictive, blissful, like a drug.  He loved kissing me and I know he misses my kisses too.  I know he does and I wish we could kiss now. I miss his kisses.  I don't really want to "talk" to him.  I want him back in my arms to kiss, forever.  I don't need a bunch of words.  Instead I want to feel his arms around me holding me close and kissing me.  Nuzzling my nose like he did, smiling at me so close.  He'd look into my eyes and smile with our lips almost touching and it made me melt.  I love him so much.  He made me laugh by gazing into my eyes.  Kissing me more.  He'd smile and take my face in his hands and kiss me.  Like he had to kiss me.  Like he could not wait to kiss me!

Heaven to me would be being able to kiss James whenever I wanted.  Always.  Every day.  I want him at my disposal to kiss always, forever.  In the morning, after work, lunch dates, before bed, in bed... and kisses good morning.  I want to kiss him always and forever.  I miss our wonderfully special kisses.  Those sweet kisses.

Yeah, I don't need a whole bunch of talking.  Pillow talk, yeah maybe.  But those kisses.  I NEED to kiss him.  I ache to kiss him.  I'd give anything to kiss James again, forever.

I pray for more sweet kisses from my love soon.