I wanted to share with people what my guidance had told me about my own twin soul in case it could help anyone else who felt they might be going through this, those who find my blog.
Now while reading through my blog I see that it is much different than when I started. This is because there is nothing more I can share about what to do, how to think, how to clear energy or shift old beliefs into new ones. It has been a long learning experience for me. And it has been exceedingly personal because every step of the way I have honestly loved and missed James. But I've done a lot of stuff that has pushed my twin soul away from me.
Yes I claim ownership of why we are still apart after 33 months! I did not focus only on what I want or what I love or what I want more of. I did not focus only on love and truth. I tried. I really did try. Again it's been a learning experience for me.
Sometimes I feel badly that I started the blog with the thought of helping others and now all I share is how I feel but there is nothing left for me to say besides to remember how sweet my dear twin soul truly is. So either I write my heart or I write nothing at all. I've already shared all my guidance. I've shared what I've learned along the way. Sometimes it has been very hard to follow my own guidance even though I know it is right and good. Had I been able to listen fully and follow what I was told then I'd probably be reunited with James right now.
At this point my task is keeping my thoughts and intentions balanced and aligned and focused on love and James' love for me and reaffirming truth. Only that. Changing beliefs around. I'm doing this in the hopes of allowing truth to be shown to me again. Truth is James is a total sweetheart who loves me very much. He is the kind gentle man I met three years ago. I want nothing more than to have that amazing wonderful man back with me. He is my friend and my Love and I love him and miss him like no other. He is who I want as my future. I want the dreams we shared together to come into my reality. I... am absolutely torn apart inside and I need my friend and love with me.
So I'm working on my energy. I keep shifting my focus to remembering our good times and just how perfectly kind and caring and compassionate and loving he is. And he is. I don't think I express this clearly enough- he is everything I ever asked for in a man. I need my Love with me. I'm not willing to decreate the beauty I had in him and not do everything I can to try and recreate or allow back that loving kind man to me. And if that means constantly changing shitty fearful thoughts to happy truthful loving thoughts then I'll do that. And I'll pray it shifts this and allows my sweetheart to be his real loving kind gentle warm affectionate soft-natured respectful considerate protective self with me again. I want that more than I want air. I want to let James show me his love for me again. I want to allow him to be himself with me like he was before.
That is why my blog reads as it does right now. And it will continue to. It's now more like a live online journal where I can share my dear memories of him and my heart so I don't lose my mind. So you have my apologies that now all you read is of my Love for him and my reminders of just how wonderful he is And our fun times together.
But see, focus on what you want more of- it is all I can do right now. And I want more of what I had with him in August & September 2013. That was the best time of my life, September 2013. A month of Heaven. My 40 th birthday was one of the best days of my life: I met James face to face, had the most beautiful time with him and we shared our first kiss after walking hand in hand together under the full (blue) moon.
Once in a blue moon, right? No irony there only truth. I'll never meet anyone as perfectly wonderful as he is. I love him and miss him so much. I want those sweet kisses and cuddles and pillow talk and giggles and holding hands and touches and smiles and walks together back.
I want more of what I love, my sweet dear boyfriend. The only man I want in my life. My sweetheart. My James. I hope with everything inside me to get more of our close friendly loving sharing and conversation again. It is what I dream of, more of. I miss talking with him and knowing him. Kissing him. Saying hello, good morning and good night.
I do badly want more of having this dear man back in my life. Hence that is my focus now.
Take care,
Jennifer
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