Treasure

I know I write a lot that I miss James and wish we could be together again "in real life." And I do. I love him and miss his presence in my life. Very much. As a matter of fact I feel there are things I need to focus on privately so the blog might be a little more quiet for a while. I've said pretty much all I can say here, for now.

Please don't think I under-value the depth of my soul connection I share with him though. I understand and appreciate the unique connection I have with James, and yes it is unique. This man has stuck with me in whatever way he could for three years. And he is still here. He may not yet be here in my arms but he will be. But he is in my heart always.

I do believe our twin souls are a gift to be treasured. The connection is divine and Heaven-sent. YES it can hurt sometimes and those are the times when I ask God "Why me?" but all the while I'm asking I still know I have created every part of this that I have not liked.

Love is the foundation of twin soul relationships. Unconditional love and I know that is what me and James have for each other, unconditional love. When I'm asked the question "What makes you most happy? What is your bliss?" the honest answer to that is I have never been more blissfully joyful in my life than I was with James. Knowing him. Talking with him. Being close and connected with him. That is my truth. I own that truth.

My soul rejoiced when I was near James. I felt at peace yet inflamed at the same time. All was right in my world when we were together. LOVE is the best thing on earth. LOVE. And yes often we fall in love with one strong unique romantic partner and suddenly life is transformed from "happy" to ecstatic. Rapturous... and you would be hard-pressed to achieve that state all alone. Strong strong love shared with another wonderful human being is the best thing on earth.

That love is a gift from God.

As I was drifting off last night I had a thought about self-love, self-improvement, releasing our fears and negative attachments, etc. And I'm being very human, real and honest about this. I think sometimes when we are totally alone we just do not have the motivation to improve or get healthy or leave an unhappy situation or heal ourselves or think good thoughts so we can manifest a happy life. Alone with no one we love is often no motivation. Sad but true. It is human nature. Alone means drinking yourself to death because who cares anyway? Alone means staying in the shitty marriage because you feel so low- why even try?

Sometimes we just do not "love ourselves" enough to find us and us alone as the sole motivation for bettering ourselves or our lives. Maybe "spiritual teachings" preach that we should be all we need but maybe, just like any other preaching, that looks great on paper but is hard to live.

Sometimes, often times, we need something more to live for. Often this is a child or someone we fall madly in love with. A burning undying love that we feel we cannot live without. A love we do actually love more than even ourselves. A love we would do ANYTHING for. A love we would face down our largest demons for. A love we would end an unsatisfying marriage for. A love we would become clean and sober for.

A love we would actually fully accept and surrender to the existence of a divine power showing us that we are actually creating our own existences... because without surrendering or learning or applying we would stay apart from that love, a non-option.

Sometimes that love becomes THE main reason why we are finally "forced" to change for the better- because we honestly find someone we love "more than life itself." A reason for living.

This is why I do believe that no matter the pain which comes from the healing, my twin soul is a treasure to me. James... I did not expect him. I did not k ow what or who he was when I met him although he swept me off my feet like no other love ever has. He is my beautiful angel and I knew it then too. James is so very special to me. We have been through much more than I have shared here on this blog. I feel he has walked through his own fire for me. Because he had to show me things I did not really want to see but I had to, and he never let me down. James is always in my heart. He is my everything. He is my gift from God and yes I cherish him. He is precious to me.

Yes I love myself too but I adore my twin soul. I really do. Only a man as loving and wonderful as he is special enough to motivate me to walk this journey like I have. Without James being James I would have given up long ago. Only the fact that he is SO loveable and I can't forget how amazing he is, to the point where yes I'll do anything to bring him into my world, keeps me focused.

I woke with the song "Woman in Love" in my head.

I am a woman in love and I'll do anything to get you into my world... yep. That is what real strong true love does to a person. Cleanses you. Pushes you. Inspires you to go farther than you ever thought possible. LOL why do you think LOVE is the motivator God uses for us? Because for many like me- it is truly the one and only thing we absolutely cannot turn away from. The one precious aspect of life we are not willing to sacrifice or give up on.

Good call, God. God knows me better than I know myself by far. Definitely brought me the one thing I'm not willing to give up on. I have been shown this is up to me. Either I can focus and manifest properly to allow this love into my life or I can give up. Giving up is not an option, not when I love James as much as I do. He is my dream come true and I love him with all of my heart.