"Stranger Things"

I spent part of this past weekend binge-watching the Netflix show "Stranger Things."  1) I have never binge-watched a show before.  2) I rarely watch any TV or videos at all so this was a real treat.

I guess when you live a life that feels like "The X-Files" it can be hard to be entertained since half of my life feels like fiction.  I don't watch much TV, well I don't have cable but I do have Internet and Netflix.  As a matter of fact right now I am watching Scully sing "Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog" to Mulder as they sit overnight in the forest hiding out from a monster.  Good stuff.  I've always preferred the paranormal, ever since I was a child and wrote my first "spooky story" in the second grade.  No big surprise the turn my life has taken!

But this weekend I was totally hooked by "Stranger Things."  It was awesome.  I watched the last four episodes at my BFF's house, Beverly.  She is the one I watched season ten of "The X-Files" with earlier this year; we had weekly dates where I went to her house and we watched together.  "Stranger Things" takes place in small town Indiana in the 80s.  We would have been about the same age as the kids in the show, and it was a great throwback.

One thing about it, though, that really got to me is the mother in the show.  Her son goes missing and she feels he is communicating with her through weird electrical things that are happening in her home.  To anyone else she appears to be losing her damn mind but SHE knows she is sane.  She knows somehow her son is "talking" to her from somewhere else, and she is damn determined to save him.  She tears her home apart, stops eating and sleeping, denies the body when they pull it out of the water, and in the end it turns out she was right all along.

The adamant behavior she expresses while everyone is telling her she's nuts is how I used to feel about my twin soul journey.  It is one reason why I stopped trying to explain anything about James.  Lucky for me a few people, like my fellow paranormal-loving BFF Beverly, believe me fully.  Bev can't wait to meet James.  She wants him to come back.  Now.  Like I do.  But this mom in the show, I could totally relate to her.  She is unwilling to give up on finding her son because she knows he is out there, and we will do anything for those we truly love.  That is how I've felt in this twin soul journey.  Yes sometimes I have longed for some normalcy.  To talk to a man or go on a date where it feels "normal" again.  Like, if I were to text a new man I might meet- I know he's gonna text me back.  I know there won't be any of this crazy quiet and I would be able to feel totally human and "3D" for a while.  So there have been some times when I've strayed off in my focus and my energy but I've always come back or been pulled back and overall I've spent three years pretty well focused on James.  How to work through this.  What to believe.  How to overcome my fears.  Letting go of illusion and fully BELIEVING that any of this is possible.  That I could be so "connected" on an energetic {or soul} level with another human being as I am with him.  I know we love each other, for sure, but it goes way beyond that.  Something out there speaks to me very clearly, and signs abound.  And then there is James, a man who always knows what I am thinking {and I don't understand how it happens.}  I just know he is my mirror.  And my blog has only detailed a fraction {and I do mean a fraction} of what I have experienced with him.  It is so otherworldly that I can't explain it.  But like this mom in "Stranger Things" I KNOW what I am experiencing is real.  Even though it seems very unreal.  To the average human being with believes only what she can see or hear or touch... my experience would seem like fiction.  I get it.

But I know.  And I love James so much that I am willing to believe in something so fully that I have just surrendered to it.  It seems unreal.  I can't explain it.  I don't recall asking for this strange situation.  I really don't.  I mean I know we are told that we asked for it on some other level but I only recall asking for a man who "loves like I do" my "one true love" and I created a very specific list of characteristics I hoped for in this man, my very strongest most special soul mate love.  And then I met James and he floored me because he WAS this man.

But... I went back through my journals and stuff and I could not find the place where I asked for a "full spiritual mirror" and "reflection" and "silence" and "manifestation" all the rest.  Hm... not sure where all that came from but it did not come from "human being Jen."

Well, then again.  I've always been enthralled with anything and all "spooky" and I did delve into ritual and manifestation but more on a whim.  Yes, a whim.  I only maybe 15% it could be real.  I had NO idea, none.  But maybe me poking around in all of that opened me up to this.  Who knows.  All I know if I was told over and over by my guidance that I have strong energy and powerful love, and I was warned often to "watch my thoughts" and believe in love and ignore my fears.

I didn't listen though.  I had a hard time even believing I was being spoken to.  But I never ever EVER fully believed that MY OWN thoughts and energy {and fears and disbelief and doubt} were creating stuff in my life.  Never.  Not until certain things started happening with James where I'd write something down or literally shout something out the the universe and then James would "become" or "enact" what I'd written or said did I finally start pausing and going.... wait a minute.  Could this possibly be true?

*sigh*  And here I am today.  Feeling like the mother from "Stranger Things."  Knowing I am experiencing a really "different" existence mixed in with the regular ole' mundane every day go to work, make dinner, do laundry, wipe my son's butt when he has a really bad poop... has been a challenge but now it is pretty much my normal.  It is my truth, my reality.  And yes.  I love James very much no matter if we have not been "together" "in real life."  I love him so very much that I am willing to believe in what I formerly would not have believed in, and try my absolute best to listen to my guidance even though 99.9% of anyone else out there would advise me opposite of what my guidance has.  In this show she is willing to do anything to be with her son, and I feel the same way about James.  He is who I want so I'll do what I feel I have to so we can be together again.  I've never wanted anything more, ever. 

I do hear from James, my love.  I am shown that focusing on love is the best option.  I hope that with my loving energy and focus on truth James will be able to come back to me, and soon.  Because I love him and miss him more than I can explain.  I want nothing more than to be with him, share life and love with him every day for always.  I love him so much.

"Stranger Things," right?  I hope James watched this show.  He'd like it.  It reminded me of him as I watched since we both grew up in the 80s, only hours apart.  I wish I could talk with him about it because it's a good mixture of the paranormal, science, Indiana and the 80s.  And monsters- and who doesn't like a good monster show?

There are no words for me to really explain how challenging it is to want, so badly, to speak with someone "in real life" and be unable to do so for whatever reason.  Like, yeah, I get it- there is SOME reason... but I don't really care.  I care that I want to talk to James again like I did before, freely.  Laughing and joking and sharing and really enjoying each others company, even if it is over the phone or email.  We loved talking to each other.  And I miss that with him, just him, SO much.  There is no one I want to talk with more than James.  Nothing can change that for me.  

I miss my friend.

Jennifer