Right now it is 7:09 PM and my son is already sleeping. He had a melt down at the YMCA today and when I picked him up he was still upset and his red sleepy eyes screamed "overtired!!" and when PJ is overtired he gets so super emotional. And he was starving because they had really small snack-like meals today and he is getting huge. He is like 60 pounds now, big boy, and he often eats more than me! So I brought him home and made him two tuna and cheese melty wraps with steamed broccoli and he gobbled it up then it was potty, teeth brushed and unwind in bed time. And he fell asleep in my arms before 7 PM in like three minutes. I know my kid. He needs a few extra hours of sleep tonight and tomorrow he should be fine. But he is just so sweet.
So I mentioned in my last blog post that James contacted me on Saturday. Often I kinda keep this stuff to myself but I'll share here. I freaked out and text him just I love you and miss you. And I had my phone in my hand and right after I text it started ringing and it was him and I almost pooped. No I was too shocked to even do that. I think I answered and said "Yeah?"
Keep in mind I love this guy like I've loved no other man ever. Or could imagine loving anyone. Like to the moon and back. And I have only heard his voice once in over two years. So to hear his voice was like I had to pinch myself to make sure I was not still sleeping.
It was a short message and that is okay. I'm aware enough of the journey to know I get what I need and he must have known I was... feeling very lonely and trying so hard. But slipping a bit, and I don't want to go backwards. I love him so much. I want to get through this.
So I heard his sweet voice. And I about melted after almost passing out from shock! His message was kind. It gave me hope to stay focused. It was HIM- his sweet loving warm tender gentle voice.
Gah. Did I mention I love his voice?! I can still remember how he sounds, cute sweet voice!! We used to talk for hours and his voice is a major turn on. Sweet and sexy both but on Saturday all I could do was say okay and that was it.
I miss him. And his sweet voice. I'm laying here in bed being totally lazy while my son sleeps and I'm imagining James' adorable voice and thinking about how we used to talk and laugh together for ages, and how I would love to hear him laugh again.
I still have the videos he took of us kissing. And in one of them he sneaked a peek at the camera and we both laughed and although I have not watched those videos in a long time I can recall perfectly his cute kinda goofy laugh. It makes me smile and melt and cry a little all at the same time.
I do love James so very much. He is easy to love. I was not expecting to get a call from him. It was so nice to hear his voice again. And it was a much-welcome message to hear words that show me to please hang in there. I know he can only say so much but it was enough, and kind and reassuring. Like asking me to to keep believing. To not give up.
My sweetheart. I love everything about you. You make my heart melt.
XxOo Jennifer
No comments:
Post a Comment