Patience means holding on to what you love, holding on to your dreams, while you walk the journey. While you work hard. And that is where I am. I want to get this done now. I am holding on to him. James is who I want in my life. James. There is no one else out there as special to me as he is and he is the man I want, who I'm meant for. I wish we were already married and happily living together, sharing life. I wish I was waking up to his sweet smile and warm loving voice each morning. James has the sweetest voice- he even sounds kind.
I feel like this has not been easy on either of us and I just wish we could hold each other now. I want to put my arms around him while he does the same to me so we can hug for a while. And kiss. I miss his sweet loving warm tender gentle kisses SO much. How he would smile and reach out to touch my face and move me to him for a kiss.
Every day that passes where I love him in my heart but he is not in my arms or in my life aches. I can't help it. I've always felt like this is up to me to bring forth or allow and I'm trying. But I wish I knew what to do in order to just bring him back right now. I want him in my life like he was before, now. I miss his sweet kind loving presence more than I can explain.
I miss my sweet scientist. My friend who exchanged fun informative videos with me all the time. Who joked with me and made me laugh. Who walked with me and talked with me. Who waited patiently for me, respecting my heart and my body. Who never pushed. Who paid attention to my child. James paid attention to PJ and wanted to be with us. I know he still wants to be with us. I miss him. I miss my sweetheart. He should be with me. We should be together. Together.
Yeah it still feels like I'm going out of my mind a bit. There have been signs showing me to keep working on my love and belief, focusing on truth. Love. But even with the signs, and I do appreciate the hope and warmth and signs, I still miss James. I love him and miss him every day. I'm antsy. Did not sleep well. I am thinking of him. I wish we could be together now. He is so lovely, such a blessing and gift. I miss my treasure. I know he loves me. I pray with all my might that we can be together again very soon. I need him. I need him in my life. I love him more than I could have ever imagined I'd love a man. All that really matters to me, besides my child, is being together again with James. I do clearly remember how do derfil and blissful it was being with him and I ache to have him and his sweet love back in my life. Ache deep in my heart. It's very challenging being apart. It hurts being away from him. I pray for the day when I can know him like I did before, loving and warm and kind- the sweet good man I know he is.
I hope it is soon.
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