A Crazy Idea

Okay so I know this idea I'm throwing out here won't settle well with many people but I am okay with that.  I don't think these twin soul/twin flame/twin divine insanity situations are the same for everyone but I do see a pattern.  I've been going through this for 16 months now.  I've done tons of reading, writing, working with Spirit and talking with people all over to where I notice... things.

I made a friend from a forum online.  She followed a post I'd written {back when I could post there} about using intention to push along reuniting with a twin soul.  She'd met her twin almost twenty years earlier, a very brief but powerful encounter.  Then over the next so many years she'd see him in the strangest places.  Then it turns out he moved to the same town as her.  Then a while ago she ended up at the same hangout and they said hello after a very long time.

After that meeting she was reignited with the fact that this dude is her twin soul and she didn't know what to do about it.  They did not exchange numbers or anything so she had no idea how to reach him. She knew nothing about him, not his place of employment or anything.  If she was to see him again it would be left up to Fate.

Well my Higher Self has been talking to me about INTENTION for a long time.  So I posted online about what my guidance had told me.  She read it and decided to take the plunge and believe in what seemed unbelievable.  She wrote down in her journal that she would see him.  That was her intention, her call out to the universe, that she would see him sometime soon.

Well that day she was stuck in traffic and looked up to see his car facing hers in traffic.  She quite literally "saw" him.  Feeling I'm sure a bit shaken by that possible "coincidence" she tried again but this time she was more specific.  She said she'd talk to him and she did.  And then they ended up on a lovely little date where they talked and he finished her sentences and said kind but "odd" stuff that is typical of twin souls.  It felt sweet but at times surreal.  From that point it's been a slow process of believing and using her energy to make this happen.  She notices that doubt and fear slows the process.  But when she feels good and positive things flow smoothly, and it's very much all energetic. She also clearly sees how something outside herself or him {Higher Self} slows down their electronic communication, like texts will lag or get lost.  And it seems to be a "test" of sorts that mimics any doubtful or fearful energy she might feel.

He is absolutely 100% her mirror.  It's like he is taking his steps based on her feelings, thoughts, energy, etc.  So I ask you- where does "free will" come into play here if he quite obviously is following her energetic lead?  He looks at her longingly while passing her work {deliberately going out of his way to see her} but won't respond to a text... and I think it is because any reservations she feels about being rejected, holding her feeling back, protecting herself, keeps him away from her.  It's like a wall of sorts, and it is all Spirit-created based on HER energy.  He looks at her like "Oh my GOD I want you!" yet it's like he can't come any closer.  Why?  Where is that prickly "free will" we all love to talk about?

If it was PURELY left up to his "free will" then he'd be at her house, tonight, snogging her face off ;) But no.  I attest that his free will is quieted, put to the side, and he is orchestrated through Higher Self to follow her energetic lead.  And I think this is because SHE is the one "in the know."  It is HER lesson to believe and trust and intend and manifest and control her fears.  He... is like the catalyst {and major Love!} used to show her clearly how her energy affects her world.

He is already her love, her husband, her future... but she has to make it happen.  And she will, for sure.  She's won half the battle- they are in steady communication and growing closer.  But she has believed and faced down her doubts over and over again.  She's making it happen.  It's what Spirit is making us journey through.  It just IS what it is.  If we fear it or run from it or believe it is all them them them then we won't get there.

So I have a thought.  I see the same thing in my situation.  This man wants to be with me.  He is meant to be with me.  But our dance is controlled by ME.  It has been since the beginning.  It's like he was meant to fall in love with me; he IS my love.  But I can only have it if I believe in it.  It's like he is used as the catalyst to finally own my power.  As I said- I know many out there will tell me I am crazy and it does not work this way and it's a "mutual" healing but hear me out.  WE are the aware ones, right?  We are meant to be because we are "shown!"  We are the ones Spirit has been CONSCIOUSLY speaking to.  My guidance has told me for years that I am a powerful manifestor and has guided me to be very aware, the beware, my powerful energy.  But I would not listen.  I refused to claim my power and what happened?  I met my twin soul and we ended up in separation.

For my twin soul it is unconscious.  He has no idea he is psychic.  I have no idea what he thinks right about now, if anything.  Sometimes I wonder if he does shit and then doesn't remember at all; seems like it from our past conversations.  He is an Atheist for Pete's Sake!  He doesn't even "believe" in any of this- he has no idea he hears Spirit... but I know he does.  I watched him channel while sitting next to me on my couch.  He is a strong psychic which is a hilarious irony.  I firmly believe my twin soul puts his free will to the side and listens solely to our Higher Self.  If we do not share a Higher Self then he listens to his soul which works closely with my own to create change.  But I've never seen this as his lesson.  It's never felt that way.  He showed me that he was sweet, loving and kind. Very whole.  Very balanced and strong and... just an all around good man.  Ready for love.  He is exactly what I asked for!  A man ready for love, whole and healed and clear of any fuckupedness.  But then I freaked out inside and he "shifted" because he was supposed to.  And it clearly was a reflection of MY energy,  Like HE is being "used" to force me to "own it" once and for all.  And man when I do not own it, when I doubt and fear, it's not pretty.  He has shown me my every fear.  He has been used as an instrument of God to help heal me and make me see but again it's always seemed that he is here for me.  That his "role" is to show me.  Which means it is not mutual healing.  He does not need to figure anything out or have a "Come to God" session {being an Atheist} or realize he is my twin soul or go get baptized or suddenly have this strong urge to follow a spiritual mission or heal a bunch of skeletons in his closet.

NO.  FUCK NO.  My twin soul already told me he wants to get into politics; he wants to at least get on a school board because HE knows truth.  And truth is not all this religious fear-based bullshit that our educational system is trying to sneak through the cracks.  He's already got it in a totally secular, non-"spiritual" based existence.  He does NOT need to heal or change or have some "mission" that is going to "change the world" based on something spiritual or God-related or concerning an "Awakening."  He already lives that by being a totally good human being who supports the causes he's majorly passionate about.  He is such a strong Humanitarian and it's awesome.

Tell me what the fuck exactly does he need to heal?  He wants to be married.  He loves hard.  He believes in himself 110%.  He's good to himself.  He loves himself.  He's totally confident.  He's faithful and kind and good.  UGH.  He is my twin soul yet he does not fit this idea of "We heal them."

Jenna Forrest's guidance says when we heal it passes over to them and attracts them back to us.  What if it does not have to do with healing THEM though? What if the more screwed up we are inside emotionally the more they mirror that by seeming mean, crazy, unbalanced, etc.?  And the more we heal, process, have faith and belief, and find that calmness and TRUST inside then they, as our strongest mirror, begins to shift based on us?

I know- people won't like this because it takes all the load off them {our twins} and puts it on us. I know every teaching out there says it's mutual healing, yin and yang, masculine and feminine and balance and yada yada yada but that does not explain my journey or my friend's journey or another one of my friend's journey with her twin soul.  We "feel" a certain way, or make an intention, or do something energetic, or feel a strong trusting and love, and BAM they respond.  That is more than mutual healing.  That is them responding to OUR energy, and that can't be explained away as "runner and chaser."  I think it's much more than that runner/chaser dynamic we all know about.  If I was less aware, and if my Higher Self had not shown me over and over and over, and told me over and over and over, then I'd think my twin soul was an absolute cruel freak show.  I'd run from him and HIDE. But I see how he's been used to show me all my fear, doubts and hang ups. And it's been a really hard, intense yet quick ride for me.  Time does not seem normal in this union. We knew each other seven weeks face to face and it felt like at least seven months.  He said it felt like seven years.  He loved me and loves me HUGELY, and love like that does not just come to a screeching halt for no reason, with no closure.  Uh-uh.  It's totally mirroring and it's always been based on my energy.  Not his.

So again- what I SEE shows me that at least in some cases the twin who is more "spiritual" and aware is the twin who runs the show.  Free will no longer exists the way we think it does, the way we want to fight and scream to believe it does.  And don't think your Higher Self, or my Higher Self, or any of the teachings out there are going to come right out and say this.  No.  We have to simply listen, believe and do the work.  Then it all falls into place. Higher Self is tricky.  It will only lead us the way we need to be lead, and often this can be in circles until we, out of pure exhaustion, surrender.

I feel, especially in my union, he is used to show me my energy.  To force me to know that energy and use it appropriately.  I was only told for years to do it on my own but I just couldn't.  I had to meet him to actually SEE it.  He's out there waiting for me, already mine, but I have to believe it, have to heal, have to own it, have to manifest properly and TRUST him in order to make it happen. But that is on me.  It has little to do with him.  I can tell from when we've reconnected that he is DYING inside to be with me.  He aches for me and is kept from me and I know that it does not feel good for him.  Something keeps him locked up inside and it's NOT his free will or intention.  It is Higher Self "forcing" him to teach me how to use my "magic."  I do believe this is done by Higher Self making him feel some unknown sense of fear when it comes to me.  He feels my fear and it keeps him quiet.  *deep sigh*  He's actually confirmed this for me on the phone.  I KNOW it.  I felt MAJOR fear back in April and at that time he was feeling super anxious about me to the point where he got sick, and NO I was not the one feeling his fear.  It came from me.  I know it did.  And he confirmed this by telling me that I make him anxious.  The kicker is it had nothing to do with my words to him.  I was fine in how I behaved to him but I had tons of fear inside that I tried to hide. Spirit ensured he felt it though, and Spirit was letting me know, from the horse's mouth, that when I fall into fear he WILL feel it no matter what, and it will keep him quiet.

Whether I like it or not.

Whether I beg and plead and chase and tell him I'm hurting or how stressful it is as a single mom not to hear from him when we've made solid plans... nothing, just NOTHING, can release him when he's under the will of Higher Self. And honestly can you imagine what it must feel like for him to open his email, read a gentle loving message from me asking him, from my heart, to please respond and he can't?  It must feel like HELL for him.

One thing I also want to clarify is I think for sure we are matched with our energetic likeness.  I may have issues with fearing my own loveability but I AM loving and pure and kind and loving.  I could have a little issue with anger and resentment though and he showed me I had to clear that up, Boy Howdy did he.  When I get angry inside he shows me that in his words and it's enough to get a girl to temper her internal shit pretty quickly.  That said, I was not in a crash and burn place when I met him, and I also think he reflects this for me.  So he may reflect to me my fear of "He does not love me!" BUT he also has a kind loving nature and is pretty stable.  Well so am I.  I was well on my way to healing when we met.  I just needed him to show me a few things.  So overall we are a perfect match, and we are doing good.  Healed, stable, healthy, etc.  But had we met when I was worse off, more angry, more unstable, more unwilling to stop my vices, sleeping around and further abusing my energy then I fully believe HE would seem even more unstable too.  He'd be mirroring me at whatever level of healing I am at.  For now there is quiet but at least there is no "harsh" words, no strong mirroring of any internal shit on my end, and that is a good thing.  It means progress.

My kind loving twin soul is out there just waiting for me.  All I have to do is get there energetically, and then we will reconnect.  I just know it, and all our love is going to explode again and it will be GRAND.

Maybe this will touch just one person.  I hope so.

I love my dear twin soul who is holding back for me.  Who feels fear in order to stay silent.  I really look forward to the day where I can hug him again and celebrate our love together, wrapped up in each others embrace.

I am beginning to honestly feel that "Every little thing she does is magic" is for real.  I feel it and he becomes it.  Why?  Because HE is my twin soul, and it's what he does for me.  It's a very specific, special relationship that can only happen for twin souls.  No one else on earth could play this role for me, only my chosen on, my Joron.  And I do love him for it.

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she does just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic