What My Higher Self Tells Me

Amidst the chaos of every day life lingers the fact that I have spiritual guidance and it's strong.  I do believe it is my Higher Self talking to me, and always has been.  I tend to forget how amazing this is. Truly amazing, right?  For years I've been spoken to directly through my pendulum, like someone is holding a conversation with me, and indirectly through dreams, signs, songs, other people, messages, articles that come to me when I need to read them, etc.  I often forget just how awesome it is to be guided, to know I am watched over.

Years ago I was traveling north on I-94 headed towards Chicago.  It was winter and the guy some distance in front of me hit black ice and lost control of his car.  He spun around so he was faced towards me now going the wrong way on the expressway.  I was in the far left lane, slammed on my breaks and tried to keep control of my car.  The man headed towards me kept bashing off the median because he literally had no control.  We both were trying to stop as our cars continued to slide towards each other.  At the VERY last moment we finally both came to a stop, so close I could see the whites of this man's eyes.  There was like an inch between our cars which had both come to a stand still facing one another on this busy morning interstate.

Miracles do happen.  Traffic was stopped in back of me.  No one hit me from behind.  Everyone managed to stop their cars in time so no pile ups happened even thought it was as slippery as Hell that morning, and this man's car and mine miraculously did not hit each other either.  My car did not have a scratch on it {my trusty old 1999 Ford Escort ZX2} and this guy, for all his being tossed around and into the median, was okay too.  He got out of his car, eyes wide and body shaking in terror, and asked me, bless his heart, "Are you okay>"  Well besides being shaken too I was fine.  Totally fine. Tires probably much thinner but I drove away no worse for the wear.

I'm sure that was no accident.  I know I am protected.  And I am guided.  The things my guidance has been telling me in this last month or two all revolve around keeping my mindset clear as it pertains to Joron.

"Gel nonsense not.  Only coming together if paying attention to kisses, not nonsense.
"Strong kong love trusted not."
"Create dreams,  Treat dreams as effort to defend destiny."
"Defend strongly truth.  Rise Higher.  Effort to defend belief."
"Dreaming- effort mirroring limitless love."
"Effort dreaming love, effort feel his love, effort to defend kisses."
"Lightning=monster not.  Feeling ONLY his love."
"Defend kisses."
"Defend lightning if kisses felt"

To the casual observer this sounds like crazy talk but I know how my guidance speaks to me.  They often speak in metaphor and repetition and this is no different with me.  "Nonsense" is the crap he says to me, the mirroring.  Not long ago, our last "conversation" {partially controlled by soul} he even wrote to me, "If I get you pregnant then I'll quit all this nonsense and be yours forever."  I am SO being challenged!  What my Higher Self is trying to get me to understand, accept and concentrate on is when I reinforce {gel} his "nonsense" by talking about it, worrying about it, writing about it and fearing it is I in turn make the scary mirroring more real, strengthening it, and I get more of it.  Or I get silence.  I am supposed to concentrate on feeling the truth, the real loving him.  We will only come back together if I shift my concentration to the KISSES not the nonsense.  When I think about the nonsense I get the nonsense.  And obviously I have not been concentrating on the love because he is silent.

Higher Self uses the word "kong" for me to mean LARGE.  I'm told I don't trust his strong love for me.  I am told to dream.  Dream of the future but also reminisce about our time together, dream about it, because in doing so I am defending our destiny together.

Dreaming about his love means bringing the real him close again.  If I feel the love instead of the nonsense then I have love to mirror, not nonsense.  I am told to make an effort to feel only the love, only the kisses.  To banish the rest.  Why?  Because I will only receive from him what I think about myself.  So if I feel he is a monster then he will be a monster to me,

That damn lightning.  I was writing love when the lightning hit.  I did not feel "the monster" when  I was writing about making a baby with him, and that bolt of lightning exploded over my head.  I was being shown that is what I am supposed to feel, only love.  Only kisses.  And for that moment I DID feel him again.  I allowed myself to defend truth and BAM.  Then later that night he wrote to me and told me he was coming home the next week.  It was still cold because I was not trusting- but had I just delved into BELIEF and defending the love things would have switched around.  Unfortunately I didn't understand and we stayed where we were... the strange strong mirroring.

Also the last time I heard from Joron was not good.  I'd spent the day at the coffee shop writing about the last year, recording all of the cause and effect of the mirroring.  I wrote so I could see all the cause and effect, to further convince myself that when *I* freak out he follows.  What I did NOT do was write about our love or who he truly is.  So I asked my guidance "Why after writing all day did he respond that night? {because he normally does not respond but this one time he emailed me back immediately} and I was told "effort logging monster=monster edified.  Truth felt kisses felt."  This means I'd spent the day "logging" the mirroring, the nonsense, so I "edified" the monster which basically means I "built up" the monster, strengthened the negative instead of concentrating and growing the positive, the love.

That is why this blog will be slowing and I will start writing about our love.  It is the only way we will shift back into love.  I have caused this separation, my energy, and I don't like it.  I miss my love and we belong together but only my energy work, owning truth which means believing in love, will make it work,  To do that I have to write about him and us.  I am kind of tired of writing.  I've written millions of words in this last year but... my writing creates energy so I must do it, and do it right.  This means... I gotta dive in now and believe in magic.  Like really.  I know my lovely twin soul is out there waiting for me.  I just gotta believe.