QUESTIONING Your Twin Soul/Twin Flame

Okay so this may sound like a really ego-based blog post but it is not my intention at all.  There are things I battle with in this twin soul union.  I don't like the silence because I want to hear from my twin soul.  I love him.  I miss him.  I want to share and talk and be one again.  For this reason the silence really bugs me.  I have not had a real conversation with Joron since the middle of June.  Since then we've only had very strange "mirrored" conversations which I do believe are more between myself and my Higher Self working through him than me and Joron, the man I dated.

I have a point in this.  I will admit I read Spiritual Forums from time to time.  I used to post there until my Higher Self blocked me from being there.  I read a post this morning from someone asking about the strange silences between he/she and the twin soul counterpart.  We twin souls all know that silence don't we?  Most of us go through it and it can last days, weeks, months or years.  Some of us actually see one another and drift back and forth and some of us are separated by not only silence but miles.  With me and Joron- when he is "gone" he is GONE.  He is 2100 miles away.  Silence between us means there is NOTHING but me writing to his soul, talking to him through my heart and hoping it's real and he can hear me {which quite obviously he does.}

I had a friend from SF, well I still consider him a friend, who used to read my blog and post and email me.  Nice guy but VERY very stuck in 3D.  Unwilling to accept that in a twin soul situation HIGHER SELF is in control, not us.  Let me repeat- Higher Self is in control, not us.  When they go quiet it is because Higher Self {soul} is controlling the union.  I have seen this happen between me and Joron over and over again, and I always know when it will happen due to my own energy.  I refused to question Joron over his quiet because why in the world would I?  I get all messed up in my energy and he goes quiet.  Then I would get balanced and he would come back, get closer. reach out with love.  Then I'd get scared again and he would go quiet.

To someone with less guidance and awareness it would seem like he is just torturing me or that he is unstable, unable to make a decision about the relationship, etc.  But I know this is not true.  He always told me and showed me that he was longing to share a LIFE with me.  But damn until I get healed and let go of fear that's not going to happen.  My fear, doubt, worry and my skepticism over HIM pulls him away from me.

So this friend from the forum, he kept riding me to "stand up for myself" and make Joron own up to his quiet.  I kept getting pushed in 3D to make Joron answer for himself, to defend myself.  Bullshit when it comes to the spirit world.  I actually spoke to a psychic and she told me absolutely do NOT question him because he doesn't even know why he does it so he will lie if I ask him.  She told me it was ridiculous to want to question him and she warned me not to,

Whenever Joron and I would connect he'd always tell me just how much he loves me.  I doubted it of course because that is my issue, doubting love.  But he'd tell me "I love you to infinity and back.  I'll love you for eternity.  I LOVE you with exclamation points!"  Even in the midst of this strange separation he'd spew love love love.  But see- I had to BELIEVE in the love for him to be able to express it.  When I doubted the love he'd go quiet or even worse... he'd get this eerie coldness that implied a lack of love {mirroring my doubt} and I HATE that shit.  Ugh.

But I knew better than to question him yet I let this friend from the forum convince me {my fault not his} to question Joron.  So at a moment back in June when I'd finally managed to get my energy to a point where we reconnected I emailed Joron and asked him for the first time since our separation if we could talk on the phone.  Usually I waited for him to ask me because it's energetic.  We talk when I balance my energy and get to a place of belief, when I "listen" to my guidance and trust.

Well well well.  Of course he was able to talk to me!  Higher Self knew I wanted to question him!  Higher Self was all like, "Fine!  Go right on ahead and question him and see what happens."  So I did.  We got on the phone and this man who always said he'd make me a priority and needed me in his life... ugh.  He pushed my every button.  I brought up the quiet for the FIRST time since we'd separated.  Intuitively I'd always known the quiet was caused by my energy and part of the process, not his fault so I never questioned him.  THAT was the best choice.  This time though I let myself be convinced that I was being a wussy in overlooking the quiet.  I asked Joron flat out why it took him so long to contact me.  *drum roll please*  He said, and it killed me, "I guess I'm just selfish.  Yep- I'm selfish."

So ladies and gentlemen this translates to "You are not important enough for me to contact you.  I am selfish and all my other interests come before you."  I also asked him, "Do you love me?"  His response in my moment of doubt?  "I love you as much as I could love someone I only knew for six weeks.  Maybe had I stayed for, you know, six months or something it would be different."

FUCK ME.  FEAR.  I was hit with my fears directly and immediately and I was being shown to NOT question him!

DO NOT QUESTION THEM!!!  You will not get any resolution and if anything you will get poked with all of your fears and it will set you back even more.

I am in a unique connection with this man that has NOTHING to do with him "learning his lessons" too.  It has nothing to do with me questioning him or showing him or getting him to own HIS shit.  NO.  It is all about me, and sorry if that sounds egotistical.  It's never been about Joron and his hang ups.  The man has sighed and told me how much he missed me.  He's gone all gentle and soft and told me, "I need you.  I need you in my life."  He WANTS to be with me but my energy holds us apart.  My healing.  It is not him.  And for many of us "stayers" they are showing us, whether we want to see that or not.

So go on and question them.  Fall into 3D and satisfy your egoistic desire to question their intentions and motives.  It will backfire on you because there are NOT normal "relationships."  My Higher Self was just waiting for me to get him on the phone!  And- the next morning when I woke up I was devastated.  Our call ended well.  I consciously apologized to Spirit and backed off on questioning him.  I was hurt by his responses and I knew they were lies through Spirit to push me.  To get me to believe and listen; those lies hurt and they ARE lies because Joron's truth would be that he does not want to be quiet and that he misses me and loves me a ton.

So again the next morning I awoke and I said to God, "God I miss when we used to say good morning every morning."  When we dated he always text me good morning, every single morning.  A while later I was dropping my son off at preschool and I was fretting.  How much does he REALLY love me?  Who is the real man?  Am I losing my mind?  WTF do I do???

And right then at 7:28 AM which is only 5:28 CA time I recieved the first morning text from Joron since he went quiet the year before.  He text to me, "Have a wonderful day my princess.  I love you with all of my heart."

Now THAT is truth, right there.  It can still be scary and this entire journey could test the patience of a saint, and it brings up our worst terrors but LOVE is truth.  I was NOT supposed to question him and in the end I let my doubt win and that really threw a wrench into our communication.

I let PEOPLE, real live 3D people, with their own doubts and fears guide me instead of listening to my own heart and guidance.

This old friend is still posting on Spiritual Forums.  He is a very big proponent of "Stand up for yourself" and "He's got his own lessons to learn" and "Just ask him.  Speak your mind.  Say how you feel.  Demand an answer."  AND NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKS IN A TWIN SOUL UNION.  If anything it is detrimental and will cause further silence and separation.  

Please realize this- I am DYING to write to Joron via email and pour my heart out again.  Not question, not ask, not anything bad.  I just want to spew my love and thoughts, and I might even do it. But I might not.  I might just open my private blog and pound out all my thoughts to him there because God knows he gets the message whether or not I send it via a 3D mode of communication.

I don't like the quiet and I get scared.  I am still working through my issues with feeling unloved.  I want him back in my life and in my arms.  I miss him and the ongoing silence is not fun.  That said, I also know it is not his choice.  You really need to understand that it is not their choice so there is no need to question them.  If your energy is not totally balanced and fearless then they will shift back and forth.  I don't have the answer.  If I could go back what I would do is when we'd reconnect I wish I'd continued writing out my feelings in my journal or blog to keep everything balanced inside myself during the contact.  So that is my suggestion to those who are in contact with their twin souls and hoping to keep the contact going with no more "running" {and I do not believe in running- we push them away through energy} you should write or heavily meditate or do art or something to channel your thoughts and emotions and TRUTH because this will increase the truth which is love.

Left to only our thoughts those thoughts often fall into disbelief and fear.  Then the energy shift happens and BAM they drift off, and you feel it happening, and it's torture isn't it?

This song reminds me of Joron and it's sad.  I've always felt him in this song.  "Say Something I'm Giving Up On You."  "I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.  Anywhere I would have followed you. Say something I'm giving up on you."  "You're the one and I'm saying goodbye."

I have to own his love in order to have him in my life.  This song says it all.  I am the one who must "say something" but this does not mean in 3D.  It means through energy and for a writer like me this means to write it out.  Not for publication but to get the energy and truth moving.

There is another song though, not as sad as the other, that is from Joron to me, this one.  It says to be brave and get it all out.  Truth.  Not fear.  Only TRUTH and truth is love.

So again, do not question.  Do NOT listen to people who are so stuck in 3D that they cannot "see." They don't listen.  And they will stay stuck until they do listen.  I will stay stuck until I listen too.   That is fact, not fiction.  We are being asked to believe in a life beyond the veil.  I life where SOUL is in charge not us!  Not ego.  Soul.  Please do not question your twin souls.  You will know when the time is right to discuss these things, and I am thinking it will not be until after reunion once the soul merge has happened and all is balanced and well.  Until then you MUST treat this union gently, ever so gently, always.  Every thought you have about your twin soul should be gentle, and in those rare moments when you DO reconnect you MUST be loving, gentle, and in faith.  NO questioning.  The only time before that where I questioned him is one night on the phone he pushed me and pushed me to tell him what was on my mind, "Ask me anything" and I was inspired to ask him about this life in California we'd talked about.  I said, "Fine.  I'll ask you.  What happened to California?  Coming to visit you?  Getting married?  You being my son's step dad?  A baby together?"  He very calmly and quietly, slowly and specifically said, "Nothing has changed.  Nothing.  I feel the same exact way."

THAT is truth.  Do not question them about the silence or distance.  I promise you that you will regret it if you do.  At least learn from my journey.  I may not be reunited but I know why I am not reunited.  I SEE the mistakes I've made along the way due to letting fear take over, due to listening to people around me instead of listening to my guidance and my heart.  If you want to FUCK this all up then go ahead and question them and push with your ego.  Higher Self does not like this.  It shows that you are not listening or having faith.  It will get you nowhere but more distance and silence as Higher Self whisks them away from you, and sorry to tell you but it is a rare occassion where Higher Self will help us avoid pain.  If we are not learning our lessons, not having faith and listening, then we WILL endure more suffering, and none of us want more suffering.  So do NOT question or confront your twin soul! Try to have faith, gentleness and tenderness at all times.

It is a new way to look at life.  Trusting in God and energy and what we cannot see instead of relying on our own 3D manipulations and workings.  Writing in a journal instead of writing in 3D.  Touching them in our minds and hearts when we cannot touch them in person.  Our spoken words mean very little in these unions.  3D no longer works until we are connected again and even then we must be totally careful with the words and thoughts we choose.

We must become impeccably aware of our every thought, belief, action, words, etc. to ensure they are of faith, hope, belief, and LOVE.  And I am not the pot calling the kettle black; I will admit I am struggling too.  Why the Hell do you think I am not reunited yet?  Because I have my own issues I am working on, but while I work on them I can share what I have learned.

My God if you get the opportunity to connect with your twin then cherish it.  Let the past go and be in the right NOW with him.  Love him.  Be gentle and trust him.  Know you are creating your future right then and you can let all the past bullshit go.  Start anew right then.  Right then.

No doubt.  NO QUESTIONING THEM.  Just love.  Have faith.  Trust.  Remember we do have control in these unions because our twins become what we believe them to be.  They are love at heart. The baseline is love- always remember that.  But if you believe otherwise then you will get otherwise.  And if that is not the case for you then you are not in a twin soul union.  You may be with a strong soul mate but a twin soul union is rare, unique and very very mirroring.

Be brave.