Button Pushing

When we dated Joron pushed my buttons.  I remember one time he even chuckled and said, "Oh I'm just pushing your buttons."  Then when we separated and I was told from above that he is my "soul twin" I started researching.  And I clearly found information that says they will push all our buttons. He did, about religion.  He did, about God.  It was a way for me to understand that I did not need to be defensive about my belief.  He was respectful but he did push my buttons.  He forced me to become more patient and understanding about differences.  He's quite a character, my little twin soul. He has a lot of life in him, bigger than life.  High energy.  Good energy.

Then after we separated he pushed even more of my buttons but in a different way {Justin Timberlake's "Mirror" just started playing lol.}  He's pushed them all through fear.  Through being my mirror but he could not do it until he left and moved 2100 miles away.  As he wrote not long ago to me, "It's easy to talk shit through email."  He actually said something harsh but then said, "But you know that's not really me.  I am still the man you knew.  I am just so full of shit.  It's easy to talk shit via email."

Right.  Because Higher Self was reassuring me- this is not really your sweet boyfriend so defend love already.  It would be much harder for him to do this to me face to face.  I'd not be able to handle it.  I don't think I could survive my twin soul being so harsh to me in person which is why it is so cleverly orchestrated via email, where it seems more detached and impersonal.

I am working hard to defend love.  I don't care if I have to write about him ten times a day from truth and love.  It is what I should have been doing in the first place but I would not listen.  I will admit that now I am TRYING.  I am tired of the quiet.  I miss the button pushing when we dated.

I wish he could push my buttons again like he did back then, and push other things.  LOL.  I miss him one every level, button pushing or not.  They are SO not just being assholes when they push our buttons, even if it seems like it.  Know they are being nudged from above to bring our issues to the surface by poking our most sensitive emotional spots.

They will push our buttons hard.  They are supposed to!  They will bring to the surface everything that bugs the fuck out of us, and it's meant to happen so we can see those things and clear them.  Just know that.

Damn button pushers, lol.  I miss my button pusher.

"You are, you are, you are the love of my life."