Getting in Touch with Higher Self

I read a really weird article here: http://humansarefree.com/2014/12/why-i-am-no-longer-light-worker.html

It's a commentary from a person who no longer calls himself a "Lightworker."  You'll have to read it yourself, and I will say it's a bit different and weird.  But he {I assume it's a he for some reason} talks about duality and light versus dark, and how there is both out there and we need not fear the dark or feel like we are in "battle" with the darkness.

Normally I would read something like this and think it is insane but there are parts of this that really really resonate with me.  He says we need to strengthen our connection with our Higher Selves.  He says that most "angelic" channeling cannot be trusted, and you'd have to read the article to see why.  I am not at all suggesting that angelic-sounding channeling is wrong, bad or untrustworthy.  Not at all.  What I will tell you is there have always been aspects of this spiritual "New Age" movement that have given me pause.  Even in the twin soul experience.  Allow me to explain if I can, and this will seem very rambling.

I read channel after channel after channel that says change is coming.  It's right around the corner!  There will be an Awakening and we are going to shift into 5D.  Some people feel we will make an actual shift and end up in a different world.  Some will be left behind.  I just don't know about that.  These channelings have been happening for decades and here we are in the midst of worldy chaos; the race wars seems to be getting stronger in our own country, people everywhere are suffering, and it's just not pretty.  These angelic channels tell us many things, and some of it is varied but much of it is the same, and some of it does come across like we are going to be "saved" from the other side.

I do not believe this.  I do not believe that there will be a "Rapture" where Jesus comes down to earth and separated the good from the bad, the wheat from the chaff.  There really should be no polarity if you look at it- there should only be souls having experiences: some "good" and some bad, some even very bad.  Like the light cannot be light without the darkness.  How did Hitler happen?  Was he evil?  Is he in Hell with "the devil" or did his soul have a purpose in targeting a group of people for annihilation while spreading hatred and separation?  Did his name live on in infamy as a warning to all of us never to get to that place of lack of unconsitional love again?

I digress and am moving all over the place but there is this idea out there that we are in a battle between the light and the dark, "Lightworkers."  Seen from the persepctive of twin souls supposedly we all have some lofty "mission" we must accomplish.  It has to be highly spiritual in nature, and it must help people the world over.  Yes I am being a bit sarcastic but there are websites and "gurus" out there saying that all twin souls have this lofty mission and I just don't believe that.

Falling into this belief that we must fight the darkness, and believing, hoping, that one day there will be some sort of spiritual "rapture" where all of us who are "light" will be whisked off to another world does not settle well with me.  This article talks about channeled beings of light, like angels and the like.  The article is skeptical about them saying that they are actually just another way to keep us in control but seemingly by the light.  I really have no comment on that beyond this:  I have always always felt I hear my Higher Self and nothing more.  My link to God.  My God-essence, my soul.  I don't get flowery messages that play in my mind.  I use my pendulum and am given solid advice about my life and how to progress through my own personal healing.  Rarely do I get channeled messages specifically for other people, and all of my advice is mainly lessons given to me through life and Higher Self. 

I have friends who insist I have "guides."  I don't believe so.  I believe I have ONE guide, my Higher Self.  Yes it may be guided by an oversoul or something like that but it is my personal opinion that I am not guided by angels or guides or anything beyond my soul.  It doesn't really matter though because if believing I have a spirit guide helped me- then Higher Self would manifest itself as a spirit guide, and I've had this happen in the past.  Spirit guides are easier to believe, EXTERNAL guidance, instead of believing that I am guiding myself, just from a higher more all-knowing plane of existence.

I sleep well, usually deeply.  I do not dream about Joron.  I think once I did, and it was nice.  I saw his smile again.  But I do not have these gut-wrenching dreams like other do, and honestly I am glad.  Maybe it is because I refuse to let him go so he doesn't have to come to me like that as a reminder.  I don't know.  But never have I felt like I've went to battle during the night, fighting the darkness.  I do sometimes feel healed during the night but nothing more.

Call me selfish but I like to externalize what I learn.  So I write it here for others to read.  I know it is helpful because I have STRONG lessons- I have a strong soul.  My soul lessons are intense, and this twin soul experience has been intense.  It is my divine role to share my truth because I firmly believe it is truth and can help guide others who are willing to suspend disbelief and listen {and believe you me I have a hard time with this myself so I am not coming down on anyone for being unable to do so.}

I do NOT feel like I am in a battle between light and dark though.  I do NOT ever feel like my guidance expects me to treat it like a deity or worship it or be afraid of it.  Actually it is opposite.  I have been told by my guidance "I am not to be worshiped or feared so just stop it."  I've felt in the past that I have been "punished" by my guidance when things go badly for me.  When I act out, even just energetically, and then something shitty happens.  Like the time Joron said he was coming home then I didn't hear from him for a few days.  Now I'd been through this lesson, oh, about fifty times with him already, and STILL I allowed ego to take over.  Instead of whipping out a pen and manifesting him as a good person, I feared him, thought he didn't love me, got SUPER pissed off inside, and flopped into bed after flipping off God and saying, "I don't fucking need this shit!  I'll just turn off my email because I don't need to be pathetically checking my email every five minutes if he doesn't want to write to me!  Fuck it!  Fuck you all!"

That is what my energy was as I fell into bed.  Five minutes later Joron emailed me five times, each one increasingly stranger, shittier and totally NOT instigated by 3D meaning I'd written nothing at all via email for him to respond to.  It was all my energy.  He actually ended up writing, "You could have had me forever but you're ___ that's why!  Lose my contact information!  Don't you ever contact me again!  You can go fuck yourself!"

Now now now... most people would have been immediately up in arms PISSED off at him, retaliated by telling him to fuck himself too, and it would have exploded in a shitty battle between ego and Higher Self.  OR some people, my old self, would have thought "Oh my gawd GOD is punishing me for being a shit!"

But NO NO NO.  It was my own energy coming back to slap me in the face.  I did it to me.  ME me me.  Do you see?  I was being shown that I don't have to worry about "God" punishing me because I very clearly reap what I sow, and I am being shown that if I sow shit then I will reap shit.  And that shit does not feel good at all, and I have no one else responsible for that shit besides me.

And what does this do for me?  Torture me?  Make me suffer?  Well kind of- until I am ready to face it and CHANGE it.  I am supposed to change it so I can progress and be forced to RAISE MY VIBRATION.

See raising my vibration will change my world and my reality for the better.  It will draw my destiny and my dreams to me because those things I desire all vibrate at a high level since they are all GOOD dreams.  The GOOD stuff vibrates high- WE have to vibrate high to match up with it, to allow it to come to us.  We can't have it if we are stuck in a low icky dark dull fearful vibration full of alcohol and smoking and empty guilt-ridden sex, anger, shame, resentment, jealousy, greed, etc.  And THAT is key to all of this healing.  We MUST heal and raise our vibration, and from there we must try to understand we ARE creator beings who manifest our own lives.  Yes I can teach others and be a guide and help, and I already do that here and in my other real life away from the computer.  I treat my son like gold so he grows to be a loving member of society, happy for himself and others, creating good energy wherever he goes.  That is my duty as an awakening mother.  But when I raise my vibration I change my reality.  And *I* can then shift.  Me.  I can truly only shift myself though.  I can help teach others how to raise their vibration but at the end of the day it is up to us each individually to change, heal, progress and raise our vibrations.

We have to want it.

Do you follow me?  No one is hurting me, punishing me or torturing me.  I am not expected to pray to angels {unless this helps me, raises my vibration through faith and belief} or revere a spirit guide.  What is expected of us is a thankful appreciative tempered patient attitude... why?  Well I believe in God enough that I believe God should be respected.  That is my old Christian upbringing coming out in me, externalizing God entirely.  But REALLY the reason is because when we have that calm appreciative demeanor then we get it in return.  It is as simple as that.  WHATEVER works for us to raise our vibration is what's RIGHT.  It is individual and "God" does not care what it is- just do what feels good, keeps you happy, and raised your vibration!

For someone like me this means I have to go inner and respect my Higher Self as the energetic part of me that knows what's up.  I need to listen to my smarter self, lol.  I do pray to God because I like that energy.  I've known it.  It keeps my heart open... but honestly I know *I* create my own existence.  ME.  I am expected to by my Higher Self.  I don't have to pray to God really since I finally realize that power is in me just waiting to be believed and tapped into.  I do not need to worship and angel, and VERY important- no guidance EVER will ask you to worship it or revere it or be scared of punishment, ever.  If you are channeling a being that expects to be worshiped then you are channeling your fearful ego, not The Divine.  Always know that.  You are asked to be respectful SIMPLY because that energy is mirrored back to you!  Not because some mighty God-like diety expects your obedience and belief.

Do you understand?  If you are shitty to God then that energy will come back at you.  But if you are shitty to the cashier at Walgreens then the SAME thing is going to happen.  And if you are shitty to your twin soul then watch the fuck out because as your biggest mirror you ARE going to get hit with your own shit, and it ain't gonna be pretty.  It's going to feel like... shit. 

You reap what you sow no matter if your energy is throw up to God or if you stomp on an ant in anger.  It is ALL energy.

If I was an Atheist who had a strong moral code as a human, who relied on science and found the universe to be awe-inspiring, who loved nature, who was healthy and kind and loving... then it means NOTHING if I did not "believe in God."  Absolutely nothing at all as long as I was staying healthy, loving and keeping my vibration high.  That's an Awakened being right there, no belief in God or spirituality necessary, loving herself and loving humanity just as Jesus {Love} asks us to.

All these different beliefs... the serve to either increase our vibration or sadly to decrease it too.  Man found a way to manipulate our beliefs to thrust us into fear and shame and guilt using a mean angry punishing old testament biblical God as the catalyst, and that is sad.  Very sad.  Shame and Guilt and Fear keep our vibration low and you know what happens then?  We are easily controlled.  We become sheeple lead around by the nose, never thinking for ourselves and we CREATE more shame and guilt and fear because we are creator beings.  So "The Man" wants to keep us down and under his thumb so we never raise our vibrations- so we never vibrate ourselves right up and out of this Hell on earth we have collective created.

Fear does this too.  Fearing God.  Fearing that you MUST attend church or else you'll be punished.  Fearing that you must pray to Arch Angel Michael or else you might crash.  Never ever fear, and don't feel that God "expects" you to worship or be in fear.  Respect and love yourself because you ARE God. You are a small slice of the big pie of God.

*sigh*

But back to the article.  I can see where much of the spirituality movement has turned into a pseudo-religion, this fight between the light and the dark.  It is not necessary.  Both the light and the dark is inside all of us, own it.  Just know that we need to vibrate high and love ourselves and others.  But we are not here to wage some kind of battle.  That is energy-stealing too.  We are here to be souls having a human existence, always personally responsible for ever growing stronger and more self-aware.  One by one as we each awaken we "shift" our own realities.  I do believe that is what "The Shift" is all about, more and more people awakening, little by little, but Higher Self is pushing harder and harder as the energies around us increase.  But we can each only change, ultimately by ourselves.  No one can do this for us.  No shaman, no reiki master, no psychic can change us- only through listening to Higher Self and learning from our lessons, becoming more and more aware that our every single though, belief, intention, word both spoken and written, CREATE our very lives.  THEN life will shift.  Only then.

I hope this ramble has made sense to some of you.  I do not think the twin soul mission is some huge lofty goal between each set of united twin flames.  No.  I think it is both people becoming healed and whole enough, knowing their creative energy enough and owning it, to come together in love.  Yes they can teach others how to heal.  I want to do this, and in part I already do even though I am not reunited on this realm with my twin soul.  He is with me in my heart though, *right here,* close to me.  He has been a huge catalyst of change for me.  I could not be here, more aware, without him.  We will be together one day in all ways, romantically too ;)

The reason why it is a challenge for twin souls to reunite is due to that mirroring concept.  We, twin souls, have to be fully healed, gutted, cleansed, etc. in order to share physical space together, even a connection from a distance, since they will always be our mirror.  Any chaotic fear energy will keep them away from us.  Not everyone on earth has love relationships like this.  This is why others can marry and be together much more easily than us.  They are on a different path where they do not need to be fully healed in order to be in relationship.  We, twin souls, have a different path where we MUST be the front-runners of learning unconditional love for self and others in order to be together.  It is what it is, and not many people go through it.  We do because... I dunno.  Our souls are strong and felt we could make it if we try and give it our all.  We all are hard lovers too- we love hard, and that love inspires us to keep working at it until we come to reunion with the love of our lives.

But again- do not give your energy away to some channeled Diety, angel or guide.  That is NOT expected from you of The Divine.  Actually it is becoming more and more of my belief that we are all guided by our Higher Selves and we need to learn to trust ourselves more, our God-selves.

Just some thoughts before the new year.

XXOO