Not Listening...

Well I must admit something.  My Higher Self won't talk to me right now.  Rarely does this happen. I've been spoiled with my connection to Spirit.  I pick up my pendulum and BAM the guidance comes through immediately.  But suddenly nothing is happening, and I mean nothing.  My pendulum is still. It comes to a screeching halt and almost quivers like "I'm not moving!"  And I think it's for a few reasons.  One is because I already know what to do.  Even if I am scared and resistant and question everything I'm told... I know what to do.  I've been told a million times over to "feel his love" and "write about the kisses" and "defend the love."  I know.  Second reason is probably because I am not listening.  So to really put myself out there I'll tell you how stubborn I can be. and this is not to... make light of the situation.  No.  I want to reunite with my twin soul but obviously fear is still an issue with me.  Also I honestly do respect my Higher Self even if at times I can behave like a tantruming five year-old.

1. A few months ago I called a twin flame psychic, and she's good.  Immediately upon answering the phone she said she remembered talking to me from before.  The she totally stopped in her tracks and told me she could not read for me because my Higher Self would not allow it.  She told me the only energy that could guide me was my Higher Self and she told me to follow the guidance!  Since then, and don't think I'm stupid, I've talked with three other twin soul guides. So I pretty much deliberately disregarded the advice of my Higher Self that was being directly channeled through this amazing psychic, Scottish Miss Carol {she is on Keen.}  Duh, right? Why guide me if I am not going to listen?  Even I get annoyed with my resistance.
2. I've been told to write write write about the love and avoid giving energy to who he appears to be when he mirrors me.  Yet I obsess over the mirroring {UGH Michael Buble's "Home" is playing now... and this song SO feels like he is telling me "I want to come home so badly to see you... I feel alone without you.  I miss you, you know."}  When I obsess over the mirroring I KNOW I do something that tells him "I believe you are an asshole.  I do not trust in the man you showed me to my face."  And when I believe that- I am given that.  And it sucks.  Bad. But have I really listened and given it a good effort.  No.  I have not.  In this song he says, "I feel like I am living someone else'e life."  I know he wants to be with me.  I must listen!
3. I have not been grateful for shit lately.  I've been negative and crappy inside.  Listening to fear.  Ignoring Higher Self.  And I must stop that.  I will never reunite if I continue to be a prick inside.  I TRY, believe me, but I'm not being consistent.  And consistency is a must,  Only when I reach a feeling of total unconditional love will this ever smooth out.  Resentment, jealousy and fear have no place in a twin soul connection.  

I can see why my Higher Self is giving me what can maybe be seen as a dose of tough love, silence. My twin soul is silent and now so is Higher Self.  I guess this means I'd better buck up, step up to the plate and really listen to my guidance, follow my heart.  The more I doubt the more I will get hit with doubt.  And I'll never hear from him if I keep this up.  It's like I KNOW it yet I still do it, and I want to stop that now.

So wish me luck.  I am not stubborn on purpose.  It is that wall that Higher Self told me about before I walked out the door to meet Joron for the first time.  "Walls will fall and hearts will melt."

Gotta get those walls down...

As an aside, I have an old friend, a German pen pal from my youth.  We had such an amazing friendship via USPS.  I love her dearly even though over the years we've lost touch.  She sent me a piece of the Berlin wall.  I still have it to this day.