Shifting Up...

 This is how I feel about Joron.   After a year being parted from him I need him because I love him.  I don't like that word "need."  I want you Joron because I love you.  Nothing can change that fact.

I dream of marrying him one day, on the beach like we planned.  I know this will happen for us.  "Sushi at our wedding."  With chop sticks.  My FUTURE.

I think this goes without saying.  It is more than love.  It is connection, faith, hope, truth.  And love.

Even throughout this separation we have said these words to each other.  I miss him.  I love him.  

I wasn't actually looking for Joron.  I didn't expect to find the love of my life right then.  I had no idea.  I was honestly tired, weary almost.  I'd pretty well surrendered to being single.  And there he was.

 

I Love You, Roy Croft

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.

Here is where I am peeps who read my blog.  I've said it all.  We've talked about the mirroring.  The energy.  Free Will.  Energy.  The Runner.  I've told you my story ad nauseum.  You know tons about me pretty much.  You also know my Higher Self has been telling me to concentrate on the love.  To defend TRUTH.  To write about the kisses... and I've been writing this blog instead.

There is nothing wrong with this blog.  I've explained a few things that are important to me, and I will explain a few of them again.  Like "The Runner."  I do not believe in THE RUNNER like it is explained everywhere on the web.  Not at all.  Joron moved to CA and then "shut off."  At first I lost my flipping mind and in reading about twin souls thought HE was the runner.  I thought "Oh poor Joron can't handle the intensity of our love so he ran"  FALSE.  Joron LOVED our love.  He adored our love and was planning to marry me.  He had no qualms about loving me.  None.  That damn "runner" shit is not explained correctly.  The way it is taught on nearly every website does not apply to every twin soul situation and it can be detrimental the way it IS taught.  It does not apply to my twin soul experience.  Joron may have been the one to go quiet and SEEMINGLY pull away but it was in response to MY energy.  MINE.  I will post separately about this because I think it's important enough to do so.

But... dear friends who've read the entirety of my journey up 'till now- I have to switch things up a bit.  I cannot write over and over again about the past.  I have to stop dredging up "mirror Joron" and all the coldness because in doing so I am keeping THAT as reality instead of concentrating on my adorable LOVE bug who I miss from the depths of my heart.  I keep repeating and repeating and repeating what's happened in this last year when it's all right here on my blog already.  A LOT of it!  I have 113 published blog posts since May 2014!  They each are at least  2000 words each, at the very least because I am long-winded lol, so that is a total of on the low end 230,000 words which is easily three decent-length romance novels.  A lot of writing.  My thoughts and heart spread on the page for all to read because I want EVERYONE out there who is going through this feeling like they are UNLOVED and losing their minds to know that the fear and separation is NOT real.

You were not abandoned or forgotten, okay?  They are playing their roles and it is up to US to continue to love them and trust.  TRUST.  And the trusting is not easy.  I know.  It can hurt so much inside, and I miss my love.  I want to share life with my love.  And the only way I can do this is if I do what Higher Self tells me to, and that is to concentrate on truth.  Not that all of this is not "truth" but for me and Joron the real truth is the kisses and love.

All I can think is I am supposed to write about the adorably loving man I knew, the one who has begged to come back to me over and over in this last year of separation but I was too afraid to believe in his love.  I am sad about that, and I need to do everything in my power to try and change it.  So I will.

I am creating a new blog and in it I will document every single adorable aspect of my twin soul that I can bring to mind.  I will write dreams.  Thoughts.  Memories.  I will write the same sweet moment in colorful loving details over and over if I have to.  I am going to take it from the top and write our "love story" from beginning to end.  It feels good to bring him back.  I want to.  It is high time I do this again.  The last time I did it I felt him so much.  I have avoided it because it feels redundant, like why?  But it is all energy.  Energy.  I am not living in the past but I am remembering the REAL him and as a twin soul this is part of my mission.

My LOVE.  My love.  Do you have any idea how badly I miss my love?  It's been me keeping us apart.  Me.  Me me me me.  And it has to stop.  He is my density... I mean, my destiny {anyone know where that is from?}  This song makes me think of Joron.  80s music makes me think of him.  I miss him.

 
 I miss my dear sweet friend and love.  I miss my future!  He always calls me his future, over and over.  I canNOT let that go!  I have to indulge in feeling him again.  And I seem to do that well here so I am going to open the blog to whoever wants to read it.  If you don't want to read about our meeting, getting to know each other, and our love then don't.  If you do then maybe it will make you smile.  I know it will make me smile to write it.  A hit of my love is what I need, desperately.  I will post songs and poems and pictures and writings.  I will be in love with him again.

It is time for me to believe and listen, and writing over and over about the mirroring is killing me both emotionally and energetically.  So what I am saying is soon my posting to this blog will slow until I have more to update, in the future.  I've showed you all I can about this intense relationship and connection I have with this adorable sweet man, my Beloved.  My twin soul.

This is us on our last night together.  Neither one of us expected this to be the last time we'd see each other.  Shocking, and it's not going to end like this.  I have not seen my love since this night when I laid my head on his shoulder and thanked God for bringing me my perfect one and only true love, and I will tell you that I WILL do whatever I can to ensure that I do, one day, look into his beautiful eyes again.  My future.

 As always with love,

Rose