Detachment

Just FYI I, your Warrior Blog Writer, is struggling a bit over here.  I never thought I would be living this existence.  I am "just" a Midwestern working single mom, trying to give me and my son a happy life.  I don't feel like anyone special.  I am me.

So why in the fuck am I having this twin soul experience, ya know?  I am having it because I love so hard that my soul knew I, of all people, would fight longer and harder than most to see truth and love in the situation.  But my GOD.  My GOD.  It hurts to be in love with someone who is not here and who does not communicate with me.  Yes I understand we are together in Spirit but that does not help when I lay in bed alone each night.  Maybe I am just not as spiritually strong as I should be because I want it all.

I want Joron back in my arms,

And how does that fit into "The Law of Detachment?"  I've been tussled by this detachment thing. How can I give up on dreaming of a life with him?  Especially when we've talked about it so much. Every time we reconnected we'd speak of getting married.  He told me over and over that he was coming home to see me, and honestly I think my fear fucked that all up.  I just could not get there.

I researched detachment today and I found an interesting article that helped me a bit.  It does not explain to let go of the heart's desire.  It's different from what I thought.  Here is part of it; I highlighted what I find very interesting and worth comment.

http://www.themistsofavalon.net/t598p75-twin-flames

With detachment you are dis-identifying yourself, but not separating. You are releasing yourself from the control of identification. When you have achieved detachment, you are no longer conditioned and controlled by the inertia, glamour and illusions of objects. You are free. Detachment means freedom. It means a truly self-determined attitude..

In true detachment your spiritual identification deepens and widens on the spiritual side of an object. At the same time you identify less and less with phenomena, until eventually you are able to see the object as it is, free from your personal, mechanical reactions and free from your imposing, forcing will of the lower self, expressed in many ways. According to your degree of success in detaching from any object, your soul love increases, and your joy deeper. Attachment makes you smaller; detachment makes you greater..

When you are truly detached, the personality factor of the object does not disturb or control you. The inner reality, the core of his being, becomes the important factor to you, and you help to release that beauty by detaching yourself from personality reactions, inertia, glamour's and illusions. In detachment you are not ignoring the Real man; you are ignoring the illusion, the appearance, and you can see more clearly than before because you are not caught in the net of personality reactions. Detachment changes the nature of your relations with the object. Since your relationship is no longer based on your personality reactions nor on the other's personality reactions, you are not mechanical in your behaviour towards him; you are awake and conscious and your approach is a Soul approach..

If I can read this with my own interpretation based on what I have been dealing with in this twin soul union this says that the "object's" {Joron's} personality should not control or disturb me.  I should not remain attached to what is shown to me.  Here I have been sitting here agonizing over feeling like I have to detach and let him go and not want to dream and not imagine an outcome with him {marriage and lots of sex and babies} but when I read this article I liked what it said.  It says in detachment you are not ignoring the "real man" but the ILLUSION.  HMPH!  Just the other day I was told that the mirroring, the cold cruelty, is "just an illusion."  And I know it is but I appreciate how it is described here.  It's telling me to not be mechanical in my reaction towards him, and right now my reaction towards him is clearly based on my fear over the mirroring.

So maybe, for me, "detachment" means to LET GO of fearing the mirroring and instead believing in the REAL MAN who is sweet and kind and good, and that would really help me accept this "Law of Detachment" stuff a whole heck of a lot more than trying to detach from my desire of wanting him in my life in the future.  That seems like a total paradox.  I can see letting go of the fear of NOT getting it by believing it's already mine but to try and detach from dreaming just isn't going to happen for me.

Detaching from what he shows me right now, the mirroring, that "personality factor" which is not really him, that's what I need to do but I've been so worried about this damn "Law of Detachment" that I can't even focus.

I like this article.  I like how it states that with detachment I am able to see the object {Joron} as he truly is.  Detaching from the illusion.  Very interesting stuff that helps me a lot!

This Law of Detachment says to let go of "selfish desires."  Because he and I have both talked about getting married and having children I don't really think it is a selfish desire to want to be with him. Loving a person is very natural, and it's not like I am trying to force a situation that has not already been discussed.  I don't really work to manifest an outcome.  I am more working to believe truth which is that he loves me, is a good man, and he wants me as his future.  That is truth and there is no reason for me to need to detach from truth.